100 YEARS OLD AND STILL NO FEATHERWEIGHT...

ONCE upon a time, there was a strong and stable Queen who ruled strongly and stably over a strong and stable country which was perhaps not as strong and stable as it once was but was still strong and stable enough, thank you.

One day the Queen realised that she would not live forever and should choose a successor. So she summoned her most trusted ministers and told them that she would assign them tasks and whoever performed their task best would lead the nation after she was gone. “And to give you all an equal chance,” she said, “I shall throw four feathers in the air, one feather for each of you. Wherever your feather lands, there shall I assign your task.”

When she threw the feathers into the air, however, they were all caught by the prevailing westerly wind so were blown to the east. One blew only a few yards and did not leave the Queen’s land, so the minister who had selected that feather was assigned the task of Defence of the Realm.

“Righty-ho!” said the minister but it soon emerged that a decade or so earlier, this minister had placed his hand on a young lady’s knee and not told the Queen about it.

“This is appalling,” said the Queen. “You are not fit to be my successor.” Everyone agreed and the minister hung his head in shame and resigned.

The next feather was carried much further by the wind and landed in the Middle East in a land of milk and honey. “What shall I do here?” asked the lady minister who had followed it.

“I can’t think of anything useful,“the Queen replied, ”so why not just take a holiday. Have a good time, drink lots of milk, eat lots of honey and tell me all about it when you get back.”

But the young lady minister was not the holidaying sort and held meetings with very important people and did not tell the Queen about them at all.

“Oh dear,” said the Queen when she heard about it. “This young lady minister is not right either.”

The third feather also flew to the Middle East but to a land of mosques and fatwas. The minister who followed it also asked what his task was.

“It’s a very tricky place,” the Queen told him. “Just look after any of my subjects who are there.”

“Jolly good,” said the minister, and promptly said something that could have awful consequences for one of the Queen’s subjects.

“Hmm,” said the Queen. “He’s as bad as the others. It looks as though my hopes rest on the final feather.”

However, there were still several ministers left, so they all followed this feather which cleared the coast and landed in the very next country. “Just talk to the people and see what you can do,” advised the Queen.

“What shall we talk about?” the ministers asked. “Oh, things,” said the Queen vaguely. So they talked about things and as far as I know they are still doing so.

The Queen heaved a sigh and went to her magic mirror and asked it: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the strongest and stablest of them all.”

“Well it’s certainly not you,” said the mirror and who could argue with that?