How tiny acts of kindness helped me beat the blues
JAYNE HARDY spent a decade battling depression until she found an innovative way to boost her mood
WHEN Jayne Hardy looks back on her 20s she doesn’t remember fun nights out with friends or raucous parties. Instead her most enduring memories are of feeling so low that some days she couldn’t get out of bed. “When I look back on my 20s, I feel like depression swallowed them up,” she says.
“I lost my job and after a while I lost friends too because I pushed everyone away. I was miserable.”
Jayne first started noticing a change in her mood when she was in her early 20s. “I started to feel a bit down and at first I just thought I was having a bad day. Then it was a bad week and then a bad month. I felt so low and nothing I did or that anybody else suggested made me feel better.”
She went to her GP and had clinical depression diagnosed. “When the doctor said I had depression I was mortified. I felt so ashamed. I was 22 and at that age you don’t want anything wrong with you that sets you apart from your friends. At that point I didn’t really know anything about depression. People’s attitudes to mental health have changed dramatically over the past few years but there was still a stigma about it then,” says Jayne, 36, who runs her own business and lives in Calstock, Cornwall.
“I felt really embarrassed and I didn’t want to see my friends. I blamed my absence on anything but the truth. Gradually I became isolated because I ran out of excuses and quite understandably they ran out of patience.
“At the time I was living at home. I’m very close to my mum and she was so supportive but I even felt isolated from her. I felt alone when I was with all of my favourite people because I just felt so odd, as if I was a completely different person.”
After being signed off work by her doctor, Jayne’s condition worsened. “I didn’t have a reason to get dressed, to brush my teeth or get out of bed. There was a steady decline in my mental health and it affected my self-worth and confidence.
“I was taking antidepressants but they didn’t help. Any time I’d ever been to the doctor before I’d been given medication and I was right as rain within a few days. I didn’t know enough about mental health to realise that wouldn’t be the case this time.”
EVENTUALLY Jayne lost her job as an accounts assistant and although she applied for others, nothing stuck. Throughout her 20s she was in and out of work and still lived with her mum.
“I hid away from the world and I didn’t know if I was ever going to recover. I thought if the doctors couldn’t help me, no one could.”
One of the only positives to come out of this time was her relationship with her now husband Dominic, 37. “We met in sixth form and became friends. Once we left school we realised we had feelings for each other. We got together just before I was diagnosed with depression, which was awful for him because he obviously knew me as someone who seemed really outgoing and confident.
“I would push him away and I thought of a million reasons why he should leave me but he wouldn’t go. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved him.”
But Dominic persisted and in their late 20s Jayne and Dominic got married. “I feel so lucky our relationship survived,” says Jayne. Then when she was 29 she started a blog online about beauty, trying products and reviewing them. The simple act of looking after herself a bit better had an amazing and unexpected side effect – her depression started to lift.
“In the worst part of my depression I stopped looking after myself completely. I even lost a molar because I stopped brushing my teeth. But when I started writing about beauty products it meant I had a reason to start taking care of myself again.”
Over time Jayne added tiny steps to her new routine, such as brushing her hair, cleaning her teeth and ensuring she got enough sleep. Soon Jayne had enough confidence to leave the house and went for long walks on the beach to clear her mind.
As she began to feel better Jayne stopped taking medication and applied for a social enterprise course, which gave her the skills to start a business. When she was 30 she started writing about her depression online and was amazed by the response. “I hadn’t spoken about my depression to anyone apart from my husband and my family. But when I wrote about it I was inundated with messages from all sorts of people and old friends who had struggled with depression too.”
The reaction inspired her to start the Blurt Foundation, which raises awareness about depression. Meanwhile, Jayne and Dominic had a daughter Peggy, who’s now three. “Learning to care for myself again helped me get back on my feet. I started a business and had my daughter, which I couldn’t have imagined when I was feeling low.”
Now the Blurt Foundation employs 11 people and Jayne has been asked to give talks about her experience across the country. She says that if it hadn’t been for the tiny steps she took to start looking after herself again, she wouldn’t be where she is today.
“Taking care of the basics was what helped me get back on my feet. We need to be kind to ourselves and realise that we can’t juggle everything all at once.”
To order a copy of The Self-Care Project by Jayne Hardy (Orion Spring, £12.99) call The Express Bookshop on 01872 562 310 or visit expressbookshop.co.uk