Many reasons for being mad about Meghan

FASHIONISTAS were divided after Keira Knightley appeared at an awards ceremony in an organza confection which appeared to be purloined from the set of Victoria. RESEARCH in the US shows there are no health benefits from eating your baby’s placenta. Will the findings, I wonder, influence the practice currently followed in some rustic regions of Italy in which the placenta is pulverised into paté, spread on crackers and served to guests at the Christening? I once interviewed a gastronome who confided: “I have tasted my sister-in-law’s placenta.” Even after years of broadcasting I had no idea what to say next. N THE other hand let’s not all get so absurdly po-faced that we fearfully abide by the Police Service of Northern Ireland’s febrile warning: “If you bump into that special someone under the mistletoe tonight remember that without consent it is rape.” Altogether now: “Oh no it isn’t!” Rape is forcing an unwilling victim to have sex with you, not awkwardly landing an ill-judged smacker upon someone’s cheek.

Frankly the rules haven’t changed. Good manners must prevail and the very best manners are always based on putting yourself in the other person’s position. Polite people don’t simply fail to be vile, they actively try to ensure others are at ease, comfortable and feeling cared for. That’s what opening doors, pulling out chairs, asking after people’s health and sending thank-you letters are all about. Civilised behaviour means being considerate. So please don’t grab a frond of mistletoe and use it as an excuse to ram your brandy butterflavoured tongue down the throat of The gauzy off-the-shoulder gown might have passed muster had it not been adorned with gigantic green bows which appeared to cascade almost to ground level. an unwilling ingénue. Don’t wrestle someone to the ground and flail about on top of them during a game of Twister. For heaven’s sake don’t be unduly rude or crude but if someone cracks the ancient gag, “Does anyone want stuffing?” or an antique uncle advances towards you with a sprig of mistletoe cultivate a sense of humour and a jug full of the milk of human kindness and stop being mortally offended.

I’M NOT JOINING THE CATTY CRITICISM OF KEIRA’S DRESS

Many catty comments were concocted likening delicate Keira to a fairy sporting bell-pulls.

Kinder commentators felt the ethereal dress was fetchingly counterpointed by the verdant ribbons. Keira looked as if she’d wandered out of a Winterhalter painting and to my mind that is the ultimate compliment. DON’T you adore Meghan? At Feltz Towers we are enamoured of every facet of her. We’re mad about the way she’s rolled up her pretty sleeves and begun working straight away. We love the fact that she rocked up to the doting Nottingham crowd and announced, “Hi, I’m Meghan” as if there was an ounce of doubt. We’re besotted by her responding to a lady complaining that her hands were cold by reaching into her capacious coat pocket and giving her one of her own hand warmers. We’re intrigued by her choice of Prince Harry’s favourite banana cake for their wedding feast. We are in thrall to her positivity, smiling demeanour and the way in which she and Harry hold hands, pat backs and spur one another on.

I have no wish to learn what disgruntled former “friends” feel like disclosing about Meghan. It’s clear they are clutching at straws and they should be drummed out of the Brownies for spilling what amounts to a tiny hillock of tepid beans.

We are lucky to have her and I am an off-the-fence, 100 per cent fan.