Peter Hill
AVERY good friend of mine is convinced that everything that happens to us has been foretold in a book. But we never get to see the book, at least not this side of eternity so, fate or random, we can’t see the future, which is why I don’t bother to make New Year predications.
After all, who saw Jeremy Corbyn coming? Or Donald Trump? Or the banking crisis?
But I can tell you about something that will NOT happen in 2018: that the Government will be any nearer to sorting out a Brexit deal or at least anything that fits a recognised description of the word “deal”.
A very senior businessman once told me that he always tried to steer negotiations to where both sides got something out of the final deal. It had to be, “I’m OK, you’re OK.”
I think Britain would be happy with that but the EU “negotiators” (another misnomer) don’t see things that way. They intend that we should leave not just with nothing but as a wreck. Fearful of more rebellions, especially in Eastern Europe, and consumed by hatred of Britain, they want to make us beg on our knees to stay in their evil empire or die as a nation state.
Our side needs to make sure that scenario is not written in the Big Book. q ALTHOUGH I detest shopping it has been heart-warming to see so many people packing the high streets and public transport apparently unconcerned about terrorism.
We know that in seemingly innocent rooms in perhaps our own area there are men and women planning to kill as many of us as possible but we prefer to live in hope rather than fear.
It is not because we are especially brave or defiant. It is simply that life has to go on, the groceries have to be bought, we have to travel to and from work and we need the occasional spot of retail therapy, particularly at Christmas and New Year.
We can perhaps also be reassured by a fact quoted recently by the Royal Statistical Society: 35 times more Americans are killed by lawnmowers than by jihadis. It does not extrapolate the statistic for Britain but we might reasonably assume that it won’t be much different.
Therefore my message for 2018 is: Keep travelling hopefully. But take special care when mowing the lawn.
Oh, and always pull the bath plug out before standing up to dry yourself. q ANYONE who is or has been a parent knows the worries that go with it. My son is now 19 and to all intents and purposes an adult but I worry about him all the time. He spends far too much time on his computer and I worry that he will become a nerd stuck behind a screen. But I also worry when he goes out at night. Too many young men in London have been the victims of stabbings. Perhaps I am over-concerned but I can’t settle down until I hear his key in the door.
Soon he is going off to the Philippines to survey underwater reefs as part of his gap year. Will I be able to sleep?
Each stage of parenthood has its own anxieties and it seems there is no end to sleepless nights. q I HAVE been suffering from a nasty abscess in my right eye for nearly three months. Ointments, drops and hot compresses failed to burst the swelling but I was told it might be another six months before I would get it dealt with on the NHS.
Luckily I have medical insurance and they agreed to my going private. Within a few days the abscess was excised – it took seconds – and the eye is almost back to normal. I had to pay up front, however, an eye-watering £935, which I am hoping my insurers will eventually get around to refunding, well most of it.
If you need surgery “our” NHS is way too slow. We need a new start and forget the idea of free for everyone. It’s over. q OUR spy masters at GCHQ reveal they are developing a range of fiendish cyber weapons capable of paralysing rogue states who attack us. Meanwhile our navy has only one surface ship fit for active duty.
The rest are in dock for repairs or crew leave, while the pride of the fleet, the £3billion “aircraft carrier” Queen Elizabeth, leaks like a sieve and in any case has no planes.
Have our defence chiefs worked out that war in future is going to be computer games? q THE Pentagon has revealed that it secretly spent $22million studying UFOs. It won’t say whether they exist but many inexplicable sightings were made of craft travelling at incredible speeds and manoeuvring in impossible ways. Why do people want to believe in extra-terrestrial life? For the same reason we yearn to believe in God: there has to be more to existence than life and death on this tiny ball in the vastness of the cosmos. q WOMEN won’t get this but I hate throwing away old shoes. Let me correct that – women don’t throw theirs away, they let them gather dust in dark corners and under beds. I have had some pairs for decades and keep them in good repair. Trousers and jackets have grown too tight over the years but the trusty shoes always fit. They are faithful old friends. q A PORTION of spinach every day will ward off dementia, say researchers. Why does it have to be uneatable green stuff? I am hoping that one day crispy lamb chops will be declared a health food. Happy New Year.