ANALYSIS
SPREADSHEET Phil treated MPs to something of a Jackanory moment in his Spring Statement.
In between reeling off dry-as-dust economic data, the Chancellor threw in mentions of children’s book characters.
Labour’s donkey-stubborn frontbench miseries were a bunch of “Eeyores” for their gloomy carping about the pace of growth.
Mr Hammond declared: “I, meanwhile, am at my most positively Tigger-like.”
It was an intriguing choice, given boastful Tigger’s record of hare-brained schemes that land his chums Pooh and Piglet in all manner of scrapes in AA Milne’s stories. Still, Mr Hammond had to try something cheery to demonstrate his transformation from Brexit doom-monger to voice of sunny optimism in Cabinet.
Drawing on bedtime stories seemed appropriate given the sleep-inducing nature of a speech long on figures and short of excitement. While Treasury officials had promised a “no frills” financial statement, no thrills was nearer the mark. Tory MPs cheered mechanically on queue but with little conviction.
Mr Hammond’s story promised them a happy ending while warning of a long wait to get there.
He looked forward to amassing a pot of gold for sprinkling around on schools, hospitals and possibly tax cuts nearer to the next general election due in 2022.
The speech achieved its aims. Enough cheer was radiated to show Theresa May that her Chancellor is no longer dousing her Brexit dream in pessimism. He wanted his speech to show that the Treasury is calmly getting on with its job without any need for surprise measures. “There was nothing in it,” one Tory minister told me afterwards. “That was exactly what we’d hoped for.”
After Mr Hammond’s soporific storytelling, MPs were woken up by a furious rant from Labour’s John McDonnell. The shadow chancellor’s attack misfired when he hit out at “Tory bully boys”, something of a howler given that string of bullying allegations engulfing his own party.
Perhaps Mr McDonnell should have been Winnie-the-Pooh in Mr Hammond’s Hundred Acre Wood. He certainly came across as a bear of very little brain.