Esther Rantzen
by nature,” Ellen wrote, “and often I have to be when I face another pointless day when I’m a waste of space.”
In isolation, without company, with nobody to need us, we have no value. That’s why in November 2013 The Silver Line helpline was launched offering friendship to older people and has received well over a million calls – in fact this March was the busiest month ever, receiving more than 48,000 calls.
Childline also hears from hundreds of thousands of children who feel no one else cares about them, no one else has the time to listen.
Last year Childline made almost 300,000 counselling contacts. As well as abuse and bullying, a huge number reflect feelings of deep unhappiness, describing depression, anxiety, unhappy family relationships, eating disorders, self-harm.
A group of young people came to visit Childline’s office and I asked them why so many children are so profoundly unhappy and they said: “We have nobody to talk to.” They are lonely.
Most children these days contact Childline online, by chat or with emails, and reading their online conversations with us it is clear that it takes enormous courage for a child to admit the effects of loneliness. But when they do, they reveal how dangerous it can be.
An 18-year-old girl told us: “I’ve been experiencing feelings of loneliness for years now. I’ve been bullied, which has given me really low self-esteem. Now I just wonder whether people would really want to be friends with me and I’m too scared to try to make friends.
“I recently started to meet people through drinking and at parties. I drink to stop myself from feeling alone but I’ve ended up meeting the wrong people who have tried to take advantage of me.”
And a teenage boy said: “I want to end my life because I just can’t cope any more. I feel so alone and isolated. I used to self-harm to help me cope with my depression but recently it has just become a habit because it doesn’t make me feel better any more. I wish I could be happy but I know it’s hopeless – I’ve been miserable for so long. I’ve thought about speaking to my parents but I know it will upset them so I can’t.”
Loneliness is dangerous. In the young it can lead to dangers such as addiction, even suicide. In older people, as the Department of Health has found, it erodes physical and mental health so badly that it is as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day – more dangerous than obesity.
SO WHAT is the answer to this epidemic of loneliness? There are some lessons contained in the findings of this new survey. People who feel connected to their neighbourhood feel less lonely less often, so do people who live with others.
Society can help protect the young and the old from feelings of isolation. Let us talk about it, forget our pride and admit to it. If we’re lonely, say so. Let’s make time to listen to them, not virtually but physically.
Someone once defined loneliness: “I have plenty of people to do something with but nobody to do nothing with.” So go round and do nothing with them. Young or old, laugh with them.
‘We must make time to laugh and listen’
The Silver Line offers free and confidential support 24 hours a day on 0800 4 70 80 90