Parents become the new school cheats
AS THE dreaded email pinged into inboxes all over the country yesterday, parents leaped for joy, wept, wailed and gnashed their teeth. Some blushed, squirmed and gnashed with extra fervour. Deep in their hearts they knew they’d played by foul means not fair.
Faced with the question, how far would you go to secure your school of choice for your children many of us answer without a qualm: “As far as I need to and beyond.” Where our infants are concerned our morals are elastic. Would we fudge the truth, finagle the fine detail and play fast and loose with the authorities on our own behalf – heaven forfend! For the flesh of our flesh, however, there’s no end to the dastardly corruption of which we are capable.
We’re so used to parents pretending to live in desirable school catchment areas we scarcely bat an eyelid at the thought. We’re familiar to the point of nonchalance with the rental property scam, the putting your pal’s address down as your own ruse, and even the creative use of Airbnb to give an entirely false impression of home sweet home.
We’ve known for aeons about the folk who suddenly undergo an epiphany and whiz to the most influential house of worship presenting their altar-cleaning, choir singing, synagogue polishing, mosque-supporting credentials. Would they fake profound religious belief for their own nefarious ends – perish the thought. Do they, however, feel perfectly justified rubbing shoulders with vicars and asking the imam over for a snack if their children’s future A-level results hang in the balance? You bet your life they do.
THE fraudulent baptism certificates produced “in good faith”, the ardent prayers intoned by folk who never darken the Lord’s house doors again the moment the desired place is achieved, all are, it seems, fair in love, war and school places.
The latest revelation is that parents are posing as warring would-be divorcees to wangle the chance of a two-pronged bash at school applications. They are shamelessly fabricating marital strife hoping a schism will spread their geographic reach. Other scheming couples are harnessing private doctors to assess their sprogs as having “special needs”, when in fact the need is all theirs and not remotely special.
The perpetrators of such deceit, skulduggery and shameless attempts to win friends and influence people deserve to be named, shamed and roundly punished.
Using our children as an excuse to fling fairness to the winds is abominable and, here’s the rub, often utterly pointless. If you are still smarting from the shock of missing out on your first choice school, let me share an important life lesson. Children often thrive in the least expected places. Many flounder at the first
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choice and excel only when moved elsewhere. Much of what really matters is learned at home. On reflection, happiness doesn’t have much to do with A-level results anyway. Do your best to relax, focus on what really matters and try your hardest to re-jig that whirring moral compass.