Virginia Blackburn

THE upcoming royal nuptials – the gift that keeps on giving is it not? I cannot remember the last time a Windsor wedding created so much to relish, from the never-ending queue of Meghan’s relatives crawling into the limelight to trash the blushing bride to ongoing speculation about the depth of potential rivalry with Kate. La Middleton has just played a masterstroke, giving birth less than a month before the ceremony and ensuring all eyes will be on her to see if she’s back in shape and as slim as ever. The answer, incidentally, will be yes.

When Kate and William got married it was nothing like this: even black sheep Uncle Gary dressed appropriately and managed not to punch anyone. I’m predicting no bust-ups at Harry and Meghan’s either but that is because she’s avoiding inviting the half-brother who recently pulled a gun on his girlfriend and the half-sister currently working on a tome entitled The Diary Of Princess Pushy’s Sister.

Actually, the halfsister said she’d change the title amid speculation that she was hoping to score an invitation to the wedding but given that she didn’t it can only be a matter of time before there’s another change of plan.

Even her more mainstream relatives are at it: Uncle Michael Markle has said that he’s upset not to have received an invitation and the man used to be a diplomat, for goodness’ sakes. Meanwhile pictures of Meghan continue to emerge from her acting career: a plunging top here, a high hemline there and best of all her straddling some thesp during love scenes that she’d obviously rather forget. The most embarrassing thing Kate ever did pre-wedding was fall over while wearing shorts and roller-skates;