VANESSA FELTZ:
ONCE a bride. Twice the mother of. Seven times a bridesmaid. Here are my thoughts...
1 It was happy and glorious. We smiled. We sobbed. My Other Half was on his feet for the sublime rendition of Stand By Me. My daughter’s house was swathed in bunting. We were so above and beyond ourselves we cheered George Clooney, below, roared our appreciation at Oprah and virtually fainted with excitement at the sightings of – be still my beating heart – Idris Elba and David Beckham. I can’t carp or cavil. For a few sun-dappled hours life was green, pleasant and radiant with love in the best of all possible worlds.
2 Well done Fergie, below. It can’t be easy being seated in steerage while your beloved daughters are up there in first class. Historic toe-sucking offences can never be entirely erased yet you put your best stiletto forward, a brave face on it and, so impeccable was your choice of outfit even the braying fashionistas couldn’t think of a nasty word to hurl at your navy and pink creation.
3 Amal Clooney, below, is, without question, the best-dressed woman on Earth. Who knew mustard was even a thing? Anyone else decked out in that shade from head to toe would resemble a giant squeezable tube of Colman’s. Somehow on Amal that’s a good look. And how on earth did Amal and Meghan become “best friends” (such great pals they share a hairdresser)? Why are we not Amal’s best-chums? Where did we go wrong?
4 Why are all posh girls seven stone and seven feet tall? Where are the small chubby ones?
5 Inviting the exes? Is this wise? Is it something only patricians manage to pull off? Frankly, is it fair to expect them to put on their glad rags and smile relentlessly throughout, while a billion viewers wonder what they are really thinking? Chelsy and Cressida did a bang-up job but we still couldn’t help projecting like mad. How must it have felt to be so close and yet so very, very far?
6 Victoria Beckham – what is all that about? It doesn’t do to be a surly girly at weddings. By all means suck those cheeks in and grimace on the red carpet but at Windsor with beautiful Becks on your arm, go mad for a second and flash your flipping teeth.
7 The dress! The dress! O my goodness that gown. Deceptively dazzlingly simple, sculptural, supremely elegant, medieval with a hint of modernist, Givenchy, therefore French, yet somehow by virtue of its designer being Clare Waight Keller also profoundly British. It floored the lot of us. Brides across the globe reached for the scissors and began hacking off diamantes and sequins as if their lives depended on it. Hoops and crinolines were hurled into wheelie
bins. Fuss and furbelows suddenly looked dated and desperate. Pared down, clean lines, architectural, were the adjectives of the day.
8 Let’s not forget – how could we – Queen Mary’s sizzling, lent by the Queen, no-messing, force 10 tiara. With a forehead illuminated by egg-sized fog-light sparklers, Meghan could afford to “go plain” on the frock. Lesser brides in Argos earrings might want a feast of embellishment on their dresses and shouldn’t feel the need to jettison their chance to sparkle.
9 All hail the Mulroney Twins Brian and John, the winsome toothless twosome. We fell in love at first sight with the sensational seven year olds, grinning with delight as they – in sole charge – diligently grasped the longest and most intricately embroidered train in history. Who, would entrust so delicate and important a task to a couple of kids? Would I have
allowed a duo of infants to assume sole responsibility for my daughter Saskia’s epic train? Over my dead proverbial! While we’re on the subject, all hail their formidable mother, Meghan’s mate Jessica Mulroney. Full marks be to Jess for training those little chaps into a flawless performance.
10 The bride made her entrance to the chapel alone. The new Duchess of Sussex is no one’s chattel. She’s a successful actress, notable humanitarian and announces herself on the royal website as “a proud woman and feminist”. So consummate was her self-possession, no bride has ever been in less need of a manly arm to lean upon.
11 And yet, there was something very sweet and tender about Prince Charles stepping in to hand her over to an endearingly nervous Harry. She didn’t need him but she appreciated him. Harry’s “Thanks Pa” spoke volumes.
12 Doria Ragland deserves a medal. If you can bestow a gong upon a Californian yoga teacher for showing fortitude and courage in an Oscar de la Renta ensemble, let’s make Doria a Dame. Why she had to sit entirely alone without a friend or relative at her side remains a mystery but Doria managed to contain her tumultuous emotions with inspirational dignity. Like mother, like daughter.
13 No one thought of giving Harry a hankie. The dear fellow, positively overcome, was reduced to sniffing, wiping his eyes with a trembling index finger and all manner of: “Gosh, what do I do about this moisture?” contortions. Fortunately, his emotional reaction made us love him all the more.
14 The service was a blast.
Bishop Michael Curry, the nuptial’s stand-out star is not so much a man as a phenomenon. As he threw himself into maximum crescendo viewers realised there was no means of bringing him to a halt.
The Archbishop of Canterbury couldn’t give him a nudge and point to his watch. Would the vol au vents burn? Would the ice at the reception melt? And then we stopped timing him and started to listen. Love was at the heart of his every word. Was the Lord himself actually speaking through Reverend Curry? He orated for double his designated span but we couldn’t have cared less.
15 I’ve just had the pleasure of meeting Sheku KannehMason, the 19-year-old cellist who knocked the world’s socks off as his celestial music soared heavenward. He had kept the secret since January. He played once for one of Prince Harry’s charities and hadn’t a clue he’d made an impression till the request came. He’s still a student, modest to a fault and trying to process the cataclysmic reaction to his talent.
16 Who wants to start a business offering tiny tot bridesmaids and pages for rental to couples who can’t drum up a crew of their own? Adult attendants are over. From now on it’s all about little ones.
17 The flowers were scrumptious. Roses, stephanotis, jasmine, scrambling amid foliage in a naturalistic non-arrangement arrangement knocking spots off Kim Kardashian’s cardboard and contrived flower wall.
18 The bouquet was adorable. Prince Harry picked a few fronds in their own garden. The effect was just what the new Duchess of Sussex is already famous for – chic understatement with a lashings of soul.
19 Windsor, the setting of the century managed to be almost absurdly stunning. Similarly ravishing were all members of the Armed Forces, horses, carriages, police officers, souvenir sellers, members of the public and everything from the blossomcovered trees to the ice-cream lickers. The world now thinks we live in a picture postcard. Sometimes we do.
20 The bride and groom are wildly truly, madly deeply in love. I wish them connubial bliss and thank them for a wonderful day which, for a few hours, made princes and princesses of us all.