THE HAPPINESS PLAN: TOP TIPS TO SURVIVE THE SLUMP

Here Jonathan, right, shares his exclusive advice on how we can all achieve happiness in middle age

LET YOURSELF EXPERIENCE IT

Accept that the only way out of the middle-aged malaise – an independent effect of ageing and not something you can stop – is to go through it.

It is a natural transition from one life stage to another, similar to adolescence. Trust that it will lead to a dramatic pay-off: real happiness.

REALISE IT’S GROWTH

Understand that going through a temporary downswing is a normal and healthy part of human development as our brains change and prepare us for the next phase.

LET GO OF SHAME

Part of the problem for a high-achieving 45-year-old is knowing logically that everything is going well but being ashamed at not feeling happier. Accept you have midlife ennui. I resist the whole idea of a “crisis”, which suggests something sharp or pathological. Instead it is mild, persistent but can go on for years in the background.

REALIGN YOUR VALUES

As we age our brains change our priorities from competition and achievement to the desire to make meaningful connections with others.

Life coaching can help us create these new pathways, as can a good psychologist able to support the change without seeing it as something that needs medicating.

SHARE WITH FRIENDS

Invest in a strong network of friends and supporters. The love of our closest allies is a vital part of the support we need in middle age and it can go a long way toward providing stability and helping to prevent us making mistakes until the moment passes.

ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE

I went through a phase of making obsessive comparisons. If I saw someone doing something I would think: “Why am I not doing that?” I knew it was unhealthy so I taught myself to interrupt that cycle. I would jump in mentally and think: “No comparisons.”

This gave me some form of control but there are other ways to combat unhelpful internal dialogue such as meditation, mindfulness and listening to music.

STAY IN THE MOMENT

We look at middle age and we believe the best has passed. But this isn’t true and science has proved it.

Being preoccupied with the future as well as with the past is damaging. “How can I do a better job with my life right here in this moment?” is the only question you should be asking.

MAKE CONSIDERED DECISIONS

When you don’t feel good the temptation is to find something to blame and make a sudden change.

Some people walk away from good relationships in their midlife years but in my case I was tempted to walk away from my career.

At this point in our lives, sudden disruptive changes may seem like a good idea but they are seldom reasonable. The key is to step rather than leap.

Change might be necessary to reflect the way our values and brains are changing. However it should be well thought through and be built on the past. Plan well: impulsivity is the enemy of middle age.

BE PATIENT

When you are close to giving up hope that life can be good again, it starts naturally to improve and time is on our side in this.

After the U-curve bends it works in your favour making you more resilient, wiser and happier.

At a time in the past when we would have been dead, humanity is now getting an additional decade or so more of life, when satisfaction is at its highest and we are focused on investing in core relationships and helping others.

You may have more physical problems but the older you get the more knowledge you have as well as the freedom to care about what matters most to you.

This is an incredible gift. As one of the experts in my book says: “It almost makes you want to grow old.”