Virginia Blackburn

HERE we go again. One of those people who spend their lives getting offended by everything has just got offended again: a Cambridge academic is refusing to teach her students after claiming a porter’s refusal to call her “doctor” is racist. Dr Priyamvada Gopal, a lecturer in post-colonial literature, is cross with the porters at King’s College, especially after one addressed her as “madam” – “Please address me as Dr Gopal,” she said. “I don’t care who you are,” the porter replied.

Good for him. For a start, Cambridge porters are notoriously difficult: a very funny book was written about this, Tom Sharpe’s Porterhouse Blue. Second, madam sounds about as up herself as it’s possible to get. “He then launched into a tirade about how people treat him,” madam continued. “I am sorry but my brown body isn’t taking the hit for that.” Hark at her. “My brown body.” Somewhat deliberately provocative language, do you think?

I know King’s College: it’s one of the most politically correct places on earth and believe me, if there was any racism going on here, they’d be down on the porter like a ton of bricks.

Instead, the college has investigated and found no evidence of wrongdoing. Other Cambridge lecturers, not an un-PC lot themselves, have stuck up for the porter: it is “not that common in the UK to refer in everyday situations to academics as ‘Doctor’,” said Dr Chris Kavanagh. “Almost no one refers to me as Dr Kavanagh but that doesn’t mean they are antiIrish.” Well, quite.

What is really going on here is an almighty case of ego and selfimportance, which is what usually lies behind the spurious claims of offence.

Madam clearly considers herself to be a Very Important Person and demands the world acknowledges that; the world, meanwhile, couldn’t TO Covent Garden to see the Royal Ballet’s gorgeous and sumptuous new production of Swan Lake. But what’s this I see in the synopsis as Odette, the White Swan, explains her plight? “Odette shares that she is a victim of Von Rothbart’s curse…” Shares? Shares?? Odette is not a millennial, she is a medieval princess who has fallen into the clutches of an evil sorcerer. Shares? Next thing you know, she’ll be reaching out.