Widower’s Esther cry
WHEN Bob Lowe married childhood sweetheart Kath in 1946, he made a solemn promise that he would always look after her.
And like so many of that his word was his bond.
From the moment they first kissed, throughout the Second World War when he served with the Royal Army Service Corps, and right up until her death from Alzheimer’s in 2011, his commitment never once wavered.
For him, a lifetime of self-sacrifice was simply his duty. His attitude was to show a stiff upper lip and despite the heartache the thought of opening up to someone, let alone a stranger, was preposterous.
Time slowly passed with Bob, 96, keeping his grief bottled up, unable to articulate to anyone just how much he felt the pain of losing his wife.
It was a few months after her funeral that he decided to write a poignant poem about her. He simply called it Ode to Kath and sent Dame Esther Rantzen a copy.
In 21 simple rhyming verses Bob, of New Milton, Hampshire, managed to express the depth of his desperation and loneliness in such a way it reduced the hardy veteran TV presenter and campaigner to tears. It was at that moment she knew loneliness was a nationwide epidemic.
Struggle
He wrote: “The rooms are empty, there’s not a sound / Sometimes I’m lost and wander round / To look for jobs that I can do / To bring back the days when we were two.”
His poem finished with the heartwrenching line: “Kath said to me some time ago / Darling when the time comes for us to go / Let’s mix our ashes and be together / So we can snuggle up for ever and ever.”
As she wiped tears from her eyes Dame Esther knew Bob’s words were confirmation The Silver Line, a charity providing a 24-hour helpline for isolated older people, was long overdue and desperately needed.
The searing pain, emptiness and hopelessness she felt after the death of her husband Desmond Wilcox in 2000 were exactly what Bob, and millions like him, were experiencing. It was then The Silver Line was born.
Bob has two daughters, a son, six grandchildren and four greatgrandchildren but was destined to lead a life of quiet mourning Dame Esther ‘moved to tears’ generation, until he found solace in the charity that is backed by the Daily Express Respect For The Elderly Crusade.
Bob is now one of the community champions, spreading the word to people who were in his situation.
He said: “You only realise you are alone when there is no one to say ‘How about a cup of tea?’ or ‘Is there any of that cake left?’ Contacting The Silver Line was a defining moment.
“I have a wonderful family, but there are times when you do feel alone. Loneliness is a gradual thing that grows and grows over time.
“I find myself sitting alone in the evening and something silly will just make me break down and cry. I’ll visualise Kath standing there and remember how we used to steal a kiss and it will catch me unawares.”
War hero Bob’s moving account of his struggle became the inspiration for Lauren Marshall, 33, to sign up as a volunteer. She became a “Friend” undertaking to make a 30-minute weekly call to a lonely older person.
Lauren said: “Bob’s story had a huge impact on me. I donated on the spot, but wanted to do more so I decided to sign up.”
She told how she made contact with Colin, 87, from Yorkshire. His wife Janet was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years ago when they first chatted. She died last year and Colin was able to talk to Lauren as they had built up a rapport. She said: “He was able to talk to me really honestly about what he was going through.” The Silver Line’s army of 4,000 volunteers provide around the clock comfort but the service needs donations to survive.
Since Dame Esther founded the charity in 2013 it has received more than two million calls. It was awarded a £10million five-year lottery grant but that cash runs out in September. Unless it receives help it will be forced to cut back on the life-saving service. The Silver Line free, confidential helpline number is 0800 470 8090.