Hero leaves nanny types in the shade

“Though the English are effete/ They’re quite impervious to heat.” So sang Noel Coward in his 1931 hit Mad Dogs And Englishmen. One wonders what he might have written today after this week’s ludicrous Met Office “level-three heat warning” that, nanny-like, advised us all to hide from the sun between 11am and 3pm. They solemnly informed us that the next warning (level four) would represent a “national emergency”.

Twitter exploded with, for once, justifiable rage. “We pay thousands to go on holiday to expose ourselves to 30C+ temps,” a user called Chris posted. “That’s perfectly acceptable. But if we get those temperatures at home we have to stay indoors! #absurd.”

I also wondered what the late Squadron Leader Tony Farrell might have made of the Met Office’s “national emergency” and their infantilising of the nation he risked his life to preserve.

Farrell, who has just died aged 100, knew all about national emergencies. He was an RAF pilot who flew Mosquitos on incredibly dangerous low-level missions to mark key Nazi targets for Allied bombers. His bravery was beyond description.

In civilian life he was a humble office clerk but his passion was flying and he became a part-time private instructor. When the war came the RAF snatched him into service to teach other young men to fly. But he was too good a pilot to waste in non-combat missions and he was posted to a Mosquito squadron.

Mosquitos were brand-new, seriously sexy fighterbombers that easily matched the Spitfire for beauty and glamour and aggression.

Like the Spit they were lethally beautiful but even faster, cruising at well over 400mph on massive, throbbing twin engines on either side of the sleek cockpit (extraordinary speeds for a Second World War aeroplane.)

Farrell’s new job was to fly his “Mozzie” at low-level straight at key Nazi targets, such as V1 sites. He had to drop flares at pointblank range for the heavy bombers queueing up behind him to aim at. That meant diving at colossal speed through blisteringly intense flak, trusting his Mosquito would be fast enough to keep just ahead of the furious anti-aircraft fire. He did it again and again, receiving a DFC for his “outstanding courage and determination”. Tony Farrell was barely into his 20s. Imagine that. Just a kid, laying his life on the line repeatedly because he believed in his country and was proud to embody its fighting spirit.

Seventy-odd years on Farrell’s countrymen are being told to hide in the shade because it’s a little bit hot. I think, on the whole, I’m glad he’s not here to see that.

still a fine figuRe of a man

ROBSON GREEN is about to star in a new BBC One drama called Age Before Beauty, written by Poldark creator Debbie Horsfield. Its themes are ageing, jealousy, bodyimage, infidelity and self-obsession so I suppose (and hope) that examining those dark traits is not limited just to the female cast who in the series play beauty salon practitioners.

Because, as we all know now, thanks to Love Island, these days men are just as vain and anxious about their bodies as women. In fact new research shows that men look in the mirror even more often than we do.

Poldark of course stars the luscious Aidan Turner, who admits to fiendishly working out so he can bare those perfect pecs either swimming or scything. And Green, who has certainly had his share of swooning female fans, appears with the equally gorgeous James Norton in Grantchester.

So is Green anxious about being “objectified” as a sex symbol? Not a bit of it. “It’s always been going on,” he says dismissively. “Paul Newman spent lots of time with his cinematographer looking for the best light.”

Green, 55, says he wants to grow old gracefully. “And if people still see me as a heart-throb, great.”