101 YEARS OLD AND STILL GETTING TO WORK LATE...

AYOUNG fellow just rang to tell me, with scarcely concealed excitement in his voice, that 21 per cent of Germans check in to work, on their phones or email, between 6am and 7am.

Naturally I shared his exhilaration and I thanked him profusely for this piece of information. “That confirms many suspicions raised by my database of this year’s surveys,” I told him.

“I already knew, for example, that 21 per cent of people who take vitamins do so to combat tiredness. Could they be tired because they are Germans who start work at a ridiculously early hour when they should still be asleep?

“It may also explain why 21 per cent of restaurant customers are regularly frustrated waiting for food to arrive. Do you think these German early-risers are expecting to be served breakfast before 6am so they can concentrate on logging in to their work?”

“The figures I have don’t go into such details,” my caller apologised. “They’re from a survey by Samsung into the way mobile technology is transforming employees’ work/life patterns. Did you know that 58 per cent of Europeans think flexible and mobile working increases productivity?”

“I’m unsure what to make of that,” I confessed, “for 58 per cent of people think cricket is boring and 58 per cent of people are not confident about their knowledge of wine. Perhaps if they spent more time watching cricket with a glass of decent wine in their hands, they would enjoy life more and their productivity would increase even more, at least during non-cricketing, nonwine-swilling times.

“This is confirmed if we look at the 42 per cent of people who don’t think cricket is boring, are confident about wine and do not have a high regard for flexible and mobile working. Also, 42 per cent of people take the same route to work every day; 42 per cent of workers say sharing biscuits with colleagues makes them feel happier; and 42 per cent of people skip exercise and breakfast in the morning.

“They’re probably skipping exercise and breakfast in order to take the same route to get to work between 6 and 7am every day, and when they arrive they try to dissipate their early morning miseries by sharing biscuits with colleagues.

“They could hardly do all that if their work routine was flexible. You can’t take the same route to different places, and when you get there, you’ll probably find that it’s not the same colleagues with whom you’re happy to share biscuits. There’s a lot to be said for late-rising inflexibility, you know.”

“I should point out,” my caller pointed out, “that according to the Samsung survey, 36 per cent of Europeans clearly disapprove of the Germans’ early starts and do not begin work themselves until some time between eight and nine.”

“Yet 36 per cent of people feel rushed and pressured for time for more than half the working week,” I said. “Personally I never feel rushed when watching cricket while sipping a glass of Laurent-Perrier Ultra Brut.” And we left it at that.