Blowing Jaws out the water
THE MEG ★★★ (Cert 12A, 113mins)
JUST when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Hollywood has hauled an even bigger shark into the multiplexes. This is the Megalodon, an 80ft prehistoric monster that makes Jaws look like something you might win on a fairground coconut shy.
When stupid scientists release this behemoth from the deep-water trench where it has hidden for 20 million years, it falls to Jason Statham to utter the killer one-liner: “Meg versus man isn’t a fight, it’s a slaughter.”
The plot seems to have been thrown together from a selection of the more memorable moments from Jaws and its increasingly ridiculous sequels. There is panic on a tourist beach, a shark attack on a glass underwater tunnel and even a scene with an ill-fated swimming dog.
We begin on a very serious note with Statham’s Jonas Taylor, the world’s toughest deep-sea diver, leading a rescue team through the hatch of an ailing nuclear submarine. As he expertly scoops up an injured seaman, “something” slams into the side of the sub, breaching the hull.
Jonas makes it on to his rescue vessel with the injured submariner only to learn that two of his team are trapped on board. After a tortured look to camera, Jonas closes the hatch and makes his escape, seconds before the submarine explodes. “What have you done?” asks one very ungrateful survivor.
The film then jumps five years ahead. Jonas has been fired for cowardice (as if) and is living above a bar in Thailand where he has become the world’s fittest-looking alcoholic.
Meanwhile, somewhere off the coast of China, a high-tech submersible is about to breach the icy boundary of a previously unexplored deep-sea trench. A group of scientists watches from the control room on a nearby rig as their colleagues enter a lost world of giant sea creatures.
Suddenly, disaster strikes. Once again, a mysterious “something” slams into their vessel, disabling engines and damaging oxygen tanks.
With two hours to save the crew, top scientist Dr Zhang (Winston Chao) decides to give Jonas a shot at redemption.
Director Jon Turteltaub also serves up a shark hunt on the open sea, a boat chase and an attack on a beach resort.
There is even time for romance involving Jonas and Zhang’s plucky daughter Suyin (Bingbing Li). The dialogue is hilariously naff and the CGI shark is too ridiculous to be scary. But if you’re after two hours of pure escapism, you should find yourself hooked.
THE DARKEST MINDS ★★ (Cert 12A, 104mins)
IF you’ve seen The Hunger Games, Ender’s Game, Divergent or The Maze Runner, you’ll feel like you’ve already seen The Darkest Minds, a sci-fi where superpowered teens battle fascist grown-ups.
As in Alexandra Bracken’s Darkest Minds novels, the film is set in America in the very near future where a disease has killed off the majority of the children and bestowed the survivors with superpowers.
The government has reacted by herding them into concentration camps where they are assigned a colour representing their particular power. Greens have become instant maths whizzes, blues have telekinesis, oranges have Jedi mind control and reds can shoot fire out of their mouths.
The last two categories are considered so dangerous that the children are swiftly executed after their superpower detecting scan.
Ruby (Amandla Stenberg) is an orange but exploits a glaring flaw in the test by using her superpower to convince her examiner she is a green.
One day, a mysterious woman (Mandy Moore) breaks Ruby out of the camp. She tells Ruby she is one of only two surviving oranges and could have a vital role to play in a resistance movement.
But Ruby doesn’t trust grown-ups. After getting a bad feeling from the woman’s partner, she joins a gang of escapees led by a hunky, brooding blue called Liam (Harris Dickinson). The teenagers hit the open road in search of a rumoured safe haven.
The action scenes move at a fair clip but this flawed film begs troubling questions.
How will the human race survive without children? Would parents really give up their children without a fight? And what is so scary about maths? ICELANDIC film-maker Hafsteinn Gunnar Sigurðsson’s first feature attracted the attentions of Hollywood where it was remade as Prince Avalanche starring Paul Rudd. This pitch-black satire is unlikely to travel quite so well.
The title refers to a tree growing in the garden of retired couple Baldvin (Sigurður Sigurjónsson) and Inga (Edda Björgvinsdóttir). It is a handsome tree but their younger neighbours Konrad (Þorsteinn Bachmann) and Eybjorg (Selma Björnsdóttir) think it is blocking the sun and they want it pruned.
But Inga, who is mourning the loss of a son, is in no mood to compromise.
Under The Tree is grim but Sigurðsson delivers some very memorable surprises and his uncompromising approach makes it almost impossible to look away. LIKE its 2014 original, the action in this sequel takes place entirely on the computer screen of its main character. But this time the horrors are in the real world instead of the spirit realm.
Matias (Colin Woodell) is using a stolen laptop to take part in a weekly game night held with his friends on Skype.
When he receives unsettling messages sent to the laptop’s previous owner, he investigates the hard drive and uncovers a sinister murder cult operating on the dark web.
But after an engrossing hour, the twists become implausible and the gimmick runs out of steam. THIS animated tearjerker tells the true story of a stray dog who befriended Robert Conroy (voiced by Logan Lerman), a young American soldier training to fight in the First World War.
After charming Conroy’s superiors, Stubby is made an unofficial regimental mascot and follows his master to the frontline in France where he distinguishes himself by uncovering wounded soldiers buried by collapsed trenches and warns villagers of impending mustard gas attacks.
The computer animation can be a little bland but the dialogue is sharp.
Helena Bonham-Carter narrates and Gérard Depardieu gets some great lines as a big-hearted French soldier.
The story is touching and surprisingly informative.
THE NEGOTIATOR ★★★ (Cert 15, 107mins)
SINCE TV drama Mad Men finished, Jon Hamm has had to settle for small roles in middling comedies. But this twisty spy thriller confirms his credentials as a leading man.
He plays Mason Skiles, an American diplomat who suffers a personal tragedy when terrorists gatecrash a party in his plush Beirut pad. When we jump 10 years ahead to 1982, he is a washed-up alcoholic, scratching a living mediating small-time labour disputes in America.
But when an ex-colleague is kidnapped by a PLO splinter group, the CIA flies him back to the now war-torn Lebanese capital. Has he been chosen for his negotiating skills or is he being used as a fall guy? The dense script from Bourne writer Tony Gilroy keeps us guessing.
The plot can be a little hard to follow. This is one of those films were everyone seems to have an ulterior motive and Hamm’s mission puts him in the crosshairs of terrorists, the Israeli secret service and his own government.
At times you wish Gilroy had tempered his dark script with a little humour but Hamm anchors the drama with a performance full of heart and grit.
Could it be time for an American Bond?