How to find your voice
A report has revealed nearly half of UK women lack confidence when they speak. CATHERINE BLYTH explains how you can make yourself heard
WHEN was the last time you spoke up in a meeting at work or volunteered to give a presentation? If it was a while ago, you’re not alone. A recent study by speech app Gweek found that more than half of UK women say they hate the sound of their own voice while 44 per cent are not confident when they speak.
What’s more, women are more likely than men to lack confidence with 80 per cent admitting they hate public speaking. “There is a cultural bias against women speaking out. The woman who demands something is seen as a diva but the man who demands something is seen as a strong leader,” says Catherine Blyth, speech researcher and author of The Art of Conversation.
“But if you aren’t the kind of person who is prepared to talk in front of people or get into debates, are you going to enter politics? Are you going to put yourself forward for the big jobs? The answer is no.”
Here, Catherine gives her top tips to make yourself heard.
PICK UP THE PHONE
Think back 20 years, the world was a much noisier place, with people talking to each other and chatting on the phone. But these days people are more likely to hide behind screens and remain silent.
In fact research shows that 55 per cent of us are more likely to send a text or email than pick up the phone.
However, in a culture of silence where talking is unusual, people start to feel self-conscious about speaking up.
What would happen if you picked up the phone more often? Changing small habits can have a transformative effect on your confidence. By picking up the phone instead of sending an email or text, you hear the sound of your own voice more often and you’ll become less self-conscious about speaking up when it matters.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF SILENCE
When people are nervous about speaking, they often feel the need to fill every second with words, especially fillers such as “like”, “err” and “you know”.
However, this can make it sound as if you don’t know what you’re talking about. If you let your words sink in rather than filling the silence, what you have said becomes more powerful.
Try not to be worried about short pauses when you speak. Instead, choose your words carefully and say them slowly. You will find they have more impact.
FOCUS ON THE OTHER PERSON
When you’re having a one-on-one conversation, it’s easy to focus on how well you’re coming across.
Women in particular feel pressure to be entertaining and charming. But this can put unnecessary pressure on you to perform well in the conversation.
Next time you’re talking to a colleague, think about what you can get out of the conversation rather than your performance.
As soon as you focus on the other person, you’ll find your nerves fade away and you become more confident.
PREPARE YOURSELF
When you’re on the way to work in the morning, you’d think nothing of spending a few minutes wondering what you’re going to have for lunch later on. Apply the same thinking to the big conversations you might have that day. Next time you’re on your way to work, a party or business meeting, think through the event in your mind. What would you like to talk about today? What are you interested in finding out more about? What are your reasons for being there? What might you say to people?
READ THE NEWS
One of the reasons people are becoming less confident about speaking in front of others is that we don’t study the art of conversation the way we used to.
In Jane Austen’s day, people would have scrapbooks filled with witty things or interesting snippets they’d read so they always had things to talk about.
That’s not something we do now. After all, who has the time? But it doesn’t mean you can’t prepare yourself for conversations during the day.
Try reading a newspaper or listening to the radio on your way to work. What’s the latest thing in the news? What are the big topics? Choose something light-hearted that you can discuss with colleagues without entering into big
conversations about politics or religion. Once you feel more confident making small talk, you’ll be able to tackle bigger conversations.
BE POSITIVE
When striking up a conversation with colleagues, start with something positive such as a compliment or request for advice.
Asking for help is a brilliant way of making someone feel useful and heard. In fact, it’s rumoured that Abraham Lincoln converted an enemy into a friend by simply asking if he could borrow a book.
As Lincoln had asked for a favour, the enemy could only rationalise it by thinking he liked him after all and they became allies. It’s always tempting to make a remark about someone who’s not well-liked in the office or wears ridiculous clothing but that isn’t a good way to start a business relationship.
READ THE ROOM
When talking to new people, try to look for clues about whether they’re engaged by what you’re saying. When you’re floating potential topics, look at people’s faces. Are they glazing over or are they lighting up?
If they’re lighting up, then that’s your invitation to dig deeper and start trading opinions.
And when you get more of a feeling for them, you can reveal more of yourself and how you feel.
USE THE TWO-PLUS-ONE RULE
A useful way of talking to people at dinners or networking events is to use the two-plus-one rule.
Make a couple of observations and tack on a question at the end. This means you can keep the conversation going.
Remember to ask open questions. As soon as you start generalising, you’re closing the door for the other person.
But when you’re asking an open question the other person can take it wherever they want.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
When you’re not a confident speaker, it’s easy to assume other people have more natural flair than you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
However, this simply isn’t the case. People who appear charismatic have just learnt a few tricks to make people feel as if they’re the most fascinating person in the room.
It’s not exclusive to them – anyone can learn how to be good at making themselves heard. It’s just a question of practice.
The Gweek speech app is available to download from the Apple store and Google Play store
‘The woman who demands something is seen as a diva. The man who demands something is seen as a strong leader’