101 YEARS OLD AND STILL EXHUMING OLD BONES...

ASKELETON believed to be that of Richard III was found beneath a car park in Leicester in 2012 and reburied in the Cathedral in 2015. There is still some dispute about whether the bones are truly those of Richard III but the discovery of a new Shakespeare play confirms it. Here is an extract from Richard III, Part 2: The date: August 22, 1485. The scene: Bosworth Field. The King stands alone, desolate and horseless. RICHARD: Now is the summer of my

proud content Turned into wintertime by wretched

fate. I’ve lost the battle, even lost my horse, And need some means to carry me back home. [He lifts a megaphone and calls for a cab to take him to the station. A taxi draws up.] DRIVER: My normal fare to Leicester’s

half a crown, But Bosworth Field’s a dozen miles

away. I’ll have to charge you double rate for

that. RICHARD: Twice half a crown is my

entire crown, A king’s own ransom for a trip to town. A cab, a cab, my kingdom for a cab. You’ll have to put the bill upon my tab. DRIVER: I’ll give thee not one groat of

credit, sire. ‘Tis cash or nothing; else I’m not for

hire. RICHARD: You operate for undue

private gain. Away with you! I’d rather go by train. ANNOUNCER (voice only): The 1485

from Bosworth Field Has been delayed for sev’ral hundred

years. The railway is not invented yet. Apologies for inconvenience. RICHARD: Delay is but a word that

cowards use To cover up the plight their actions

cause To weary people on their daily trek Or kings returning home from battles

lost To London, not Australia or Cuba, My only hope is now a car from Uber. [He calls for an Uber car. It arrives.] RICHARD: Take me to London now and

make it speedy. DRIVER: Where’s London, squire? Of

that I’ve never heard. RICHARD: ‘Tis England’s capital, thou

wretched jester. DRIVER: I know it not. I’ll go as far as

Leicester. But first I must request you to remove Your backpack thing and put it in the

boot. RICHARD: But ‘tis a hump that I cannot

remove. DRIVER: I has a hunch ‘twas so. ‘Tis

extra then. One hunchbacked passenger doth fill

the seats That normally I’d allocate to two. [Richard squeezes into the car.] DRIVER: To Leicester then, we’ll be

there in a trice. But first, my liege we must agree the

price Of timely rescue from your murd’rous

foe, A crown’s the going rate as well you know. [They argue all the way to a Leicester car park. The driver seizes Richard’s crown and kills him.]