Putting lives on the line
THERE are times, I must confess, when I don’t quite understand how TV works. Take CELEBRITY CALL CENTRE FOR STAND UP TO CANCER (C4, 10pm). How exactly did this programme come about?
I mean, obviously I’ve grasped the basic idea. To help promote an undoubtedly splendid cause, we have eight prominent personalities (I’ll list them for you in a moment, you’ll be so stunned by the line-up that I want to allow you time to take a seat) manning a set of phone lines, ready to take calls from members of the public.
But about what? Well, all right, I actually know that as well, now that I’ve seen a preview (yes, sorry, it’s not live). They’re taking calls about people’s relationship problems, health worries and such like. They’re being agony aunts. Or uncles, if you must. There are some serious bits and some silly bits.
But how did people know to call? Did you see the service advertised? Nope, me neither.
And that “call centre” bit in the title? It gives the impression you could have rung them to query your gas bill, say, or book a plumber. And indeed perhaps you could but if I did need my drains unblocking I’m not sure dancer Louie Spence is the guy I’d call.
Which, yes, brings us to the celebs themselves. Along with Louie – whose callers, by the way, include a chap seeking advice about his piles – we have ex-Girls Aloud star Kimberley Walsh, cleaning queen Kim Woodburn, comedians Joel Dommett and Mo Gilligan (apologies for giving all these people labels by the way but I tend to find it helps), actor Tyger Drew-Honey, reigning I’m A Celebrity… jungle queen Georgia Toffolo and Countdown’s Rachel Riley (right).
A varied bunch, that’s for sure, and well done to them for giving their time for free.
Whether their advice should be heeded, of course, is another matter. It largely seems to depend on who the caller is put through to.
For example Kim tells one woman, who’s having an affair with a married man of 70, not to expect him to leave his wife but to “be content with what you’ve got”.
Countdown’s Rachel is appalled by that. The caller should have been advised to end it, she suggests, rather than forever be second best, and then find herself a new man online.
“That’s common and awful!” cries Kim.
Earlier, Victoria Coren Mitchell is back with another series (the 14th, in fact) of ONLY CONNECT (BBC2, 8pm), the quiz for people who – in this first episode at least – can tell you the connection between Kinder Eggs and Roquefort (you can melt them both, of course, and spread them on toast but that isn’t the answer she’s after). Also tonight in CORONATION STREET (ITV, 7.30pm and 8.30pm), Ken is thrilled to have had his first short story published, based on Claudia’s steamy tales of yesteryear. Audrey, on the other hand, is a little less impressed. Having read it, she realises she’s the subject of Claudia’s salacious revelations. “I’ll kill her, I will!” she exclaims. “I’ll kill that tart.”