BEACHCOMBER

102 YEARS OLD AND STILL SWAPPING OLD STORIES FOR NEW...

ONCE there was an Emperor who boasted that no problem was too difficult for him to solve. As soon as he became Emperor, however, his country faced a Really Big Problem. When he looked at it, he saw that it was bigger than any problem he had seen before. Then a wizard appeared at the palace door and said: “Sire, I have the solution to your problem. Make me your special adviser and I shall show you.”

“OK,” said the Emperor, and the wizard handed him a thick leather tome.

The Emperor flicked through the pages but they were all blank. Before he could speak, the wizard addressed him again: “Lest anyone unworthy should see the tome, the policies in it are inscribed in a brand of invisible ink which can only be seen by people of exceptional wisdom, and only under the light that streams through your palace window at sunrise.”

“Fantastic,” said the Emperor and they met again at daybreak. However, when the Emperor opened the book, he saw nothing.

“You are holding the book upside down,” said the wizard. “You are looking at the last page, not the first.”

“How can I tell which way up it goes?” the Emperor asked. “The last page has a backstop,” the wizard said turning the book the other way round. “See?” he said, pointing to the blank final page.

“I take it only brilliant people can see the backstop,” the Emperor said. “Correct,” nodded the wizard.

The Emperor summoned his courtiers to see the book. He explained that its contents could only be seen by the wisest people in the realm, so most of them pretended they could read it and praised its policies which they agreed would solve their Big Problem.

Those who admitted they could see nothing were called dullards and banished by the Emperor.

“What do I say to those who cannot see anything in the book?” he asked the wizard. “Tell them you have a no-policy policy,” the wizard advised. “They will then give you whatever you want.”

“Good thinking,” said the Emperor. A page boy then entered the room, picked up the book and said: “There’s nothing in this book at all.” The Emperor then prorogued the meeting and the entire matter is now sub judice.