As a carer there are no days off – not even Christmas Day
Half of women in the UK are carers by age 46. EMMA LOWNDES looks after her motherin-law, 87, and is raising awareness of this workforce
WHEN Emma Lowndes wakes up on Christmas morning, the first thing she’ll do is check on her mother-in-law Marjorie.
Marjorie, 87, known as Marj, has Alzheimer’s and needs constant care.Wheelchair-bound, she lives downstairs in the house Emma shares with her husband and teenage son.
And like the millions of other unpaid carers in the UK, Christmas Day isn’t a day off for Emma.
“If you’ve not been a carer, it’s hard to understand that pressure that’s always there,” says Emma, 52, a freelance business consultant who lives with her husband John and son Jack, 16, in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire.
And Emma is not alone. New research has revealed 65 per cent of all adults will become a carer at some point in their lives.
In fact, unpaid carers in the UK now provide £132billion worth of care a year – similar to the total cost of the NHS.
And the burden seems to fall more often on women than men.
ACCORDING to a new report from Carers UK, 50 per cent of women have been a carer by the age of 46 – the age Emma started looking after Marj. But the equivalent age for men is 57.
“It’s assumed that personal care is more of a female job, which isn’t true,” says Emma.
She believes the gender pay gap plays an important role too.
“If the woman’s salary is less than the man’s, often the woman is the one to make compromises,” she says.
This is something Carers UK is keen to tackle.
“Caring typically happens at a younger age for women than for men, therefore women are especially likely to be caring at ages when they would expect to be in paid work,” says HelenWalker, chief executive of the charity.
“This often affects their participation in paid work and reduces their lifetime earnings, with wider gender equality implications.
“Being a carer is an important reason why women are more likely than men to experience low income in later life, including after their caring role has ended.”
For Emma, who works freelance, it made sense to take on Marj’s care, as her job is more flexible than her husband’s, who is a business director.
“I can work in the evenings, or work from home if I need to be around to get a delivery for Marj,” she says.
Until nine years ago, Marj was widowed but still independent.
“She had her own life – she walked her dog and chatted to neighbours,” says Emma.
But her health started to deteriorate.“She started having falls when out walking, then not knowing how she got there. It was very worrying,” says Emma. John and Emma became increasingly concerned Marj wasn’t looking after herself. “Her very high standards of food hygiene and keeping the house clean weren’t quite as solid as before,” she says.
Each time Marj had a fall, Emma and John rushed to Stoke-on-Trent to see her. “We would zoom a hundred miles up the motorway but it wasn’t sustainable and she was feeling unsafe.”
They realised Marj needed more support. “We gave her the choice of going into sheltered accommodation or moving in with us – and she chose us.” In 2011, Marj sold her home and moved to live with the Lowndes in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire.
The Lowndes used the money from the house sale to adapt their garage into a bedroom and living area. Emma took on all the care herself, while working full-time.
“For a long time I helped her on my own,” she says. “But I didn’t see myself as a carer. I never talked about it to my colleagues at work, because it just seemed like a part of normal life.”
Over the years, Marj’s needs gradually increased. “I’ve started to look after all her banking. I make sure she has food she likes, her benefits are sorted and she has gas and central heating.
“She hasn’t got the capacity to organise any of that for herself any longer.”
Following a fall and several mini-strokes, it became clear Marj would need someone to look after her more permanently.
“Because Carer’s Allowance is so low, it doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job to be her full-time carer,” Emma says.
“And even without Marj, my family needs my income.”
NOW, Marj has carers who come in to help her get up in the morning, make her lunch and get her ready for bed. But the rest of the time, Emma is responsible, which she says takes its toll.
“I try to go to the gym three times a week and see my friends whenever I can,” she says.
“I know it’s important to look after yourself when you’re a carer, but I’m the one who’s accountable for Marj 24/7.
“She doesn’t mean to add to my workload, but it slowly adds up.”
Many of Emma’s friends are now in the same situation.
“Although I was one of the first in my friendship group to become a carer, lots of my friends are now in similar positions,” she says.
Emma has started a blog to help other unpaid carers find the help they need. Part of the difficulty, she says, is although help is out there, it’s not very well signposted.
“The information you need is scattered around and not readily available,” she says.
Now, Carers UK is campaigning for better workplace flexibility for carers.The recommendation of their report is the Government should create a new right for employees to claim five to 10 days paid care leave.
And Emma agrees. “We need to keep carers supported and strong, because they provide so much.”
For more information, visit carersuk.org. Emma blogs about being a carer at maudandmum. com