THE EYES OF LOVE AND THE ULTIMATE YOU
are difficult, they choose to understand them in a happy framework or as a chance to learn or grow or be grateful.
But it’s also important to be honest with ourselves. When you know how to meet your own needs, when you know you are more than good enough, when you have not made of concrete. Any word you use to describe it may be correct now, but does not have to describe it in the future.
Relationships are processes based on what you do. If you laugh and play together, that is what your relationship is. If you spend time talking about it, then, for now, that is what your relationship is: a conversation about itself. the resilience and strength to be honest with yourself, then you are strong enough to say goodbye to someone who is not heading in the same direction as you.
It’s OK to leave and look for someone who shares your desires and values.
To find a successful relationship, however, I learned to let go of winning or losing.
I might be right or my partner might be right, but the best outcome is that both of us have more understanding.
My goal is no longer to win but to let the argument develop into a conversation which increases understanding. I have found that if I insist on getting my own way, I risk losing the nourishing connection of my relationship.
In an intimate relationship, a good disagreement is where your selfawareness, and partner grows.
One of the most powerful responses is to agree to disagree. I am grateful to my wife Kate who introduced me to the idea that it is not always possible to reach agreement. People have different points of view and sometimes all we need to do is accept that.
And sometimes the smallest thing can make the biggest change. One particular gentleman told me that he hardly talked to his wife closeness to your any more. All they discussed were practical arrangements. They read their newspapers in the morning and watched TV in silence every evening. He wished it was different but felt it was too late to change.
So I asked him to change his focus. I asked him to think of the smallest possible action he could do that would lead to the smallest possible improvement.
I saw him a week later and he told me that one evening when he said ‘Goodnight’ to his wife, he
LIKING yourself is a crucial ingredient in creating a happy relationship with someone else. Improve your self-image by trying these techniques, influenced by the famous family therapist Virginia Satir.
Practise every day for a week and then whenever your self-image needs a boost:
Close your eyes and think of someone who loves or deeply appreciates you.
Imagine they are standing in front of you.
In your imagination, gently step out of your body and into the body of the person who loves you. See through their eyes, hear through their ears, and feel the good feelings they have as they look at you.
Really notice in detail what it is they love and appreciate about you. Recognise and acknowledge these amazing qualities that perhaps you hadn’t appreciated about yourself until now.
Step back into your own body and take a few moments to enjoy the good feelings of being loved and appreciated exactly as you are.
Imagine a cinema screen in front of you, and on that screen watch a movie of the ultimate you. See yourself doing all the things really well that you do or would like to do. Watch the movie and notice how well you work, socialise, handle challenging situations and difficult people.
Watch the way you stand and smile with authentic natural confidence.
Now watch yourself approaching and talking to the most attractive people you can imagine.
See yourself as cool, happy and having a great time.
Imagine floating over into the version of yourself you can see in the movie. See through the eyes of your ultimate self, hear through those ears, and feel how good you feel living life like this.
‘It is not always possible to reach agreement. People have different points of view’
touched her gently on the shoulder. He said that the next day it was as though the sun had come out from years behind the clouds.They had a little chat over breakfast, and as the days progressed, a joke or two.
Soon the atmosphere in the house was completely different.
Everything we do in a relationship has meaning. It is not easy to make the most of a relationship every day, but the more often you do, the easier it gets. And as your relationship gets stronger and you bring out the best in each other, you become a positive, united force that is more capable of contributing to the world around you.
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