Strictly a survival battle
WE STILL haven’t seen same-sex competitors dancing together on Strictly. And yet we’re about to see it on CELEBRITY SAS:WHO DARES WINS (C4, 9pm).
Who’d have thought the latter would get there before the former? Funny old world.
Admittedly, the dancing isn’t part of the competition. Not officially.The ex-Special Forces guy in charge of this thing, chief instructor Ant ExcessivelySwearyguy, doesn’t haul the recruits out of bed and yell: “Right, today we’re gonna chuck you ******* off a cliff.And then you’re gonna learn theViennese ******* waltz.”
No, it’s merely a little snatch of footage from tonight’s episode, captured during the competitors’ downtime, where we witness ex-Strictly star Brendan Cole in a clinch with former boxer Tony Bellew, guiding him through some elementary ballroom moves. “Heel, toe, heel, toe…” instructs Brendan. “Soften your knees.”
The former WBC cruiserweight champion doesn’t exactly look a natural, it has to be said. Brendan adjusts his position a tad. “I’ll get a bit higher for you,” he goes.
Tony seems startled. “Now I see how all the sexual **** happens!” he exclaims.
But enough of this jovial banter. Ant and his SAS cronies are about to burst in. Not to break up the party but to yell something typically gruff and incomprehensible and then drag the recruits outside.
Yes, it’s time for the next big challenge. Goody gumdrops. “You’re gonna be cold today,” Ant informs them. “Wet. Miserable.”
Ah, right.Well, how kind of him to have warned them. Guess they’ll need a brolly, then, and some nice toasty mittens.
Oh, but no, apparently not.What they’ll need,Ant tells them, is “to find that inner strength to do what’s asked of you”.
Yeah, that again. Should have guessed. He doesn’t half bang on about it.
What they’re about to face, it emerges, is 48 hours of hell.
These seven remaining celebs are to be put through the toughest mental and physical tasks they’ve ever faced, designed to determine which of them is the weakest.
That’s “weakest”, of course, as in “least enthusiastic about drowning or plunging to their death”.
Before all that, and frankly an awful lot nicer, is episode three of GRAYSON’S ART CLUB (C4,
8pm), the show that’s encouraging us to unleash our creativity during lockdown.This week’s theme is fantasy, with actress Jessica Hynes demonstrating her talents.
It’s not quite as good as when Harry Hill carved a golden retriever out of wood in episode two, but I very much doubt whether anything on telly ever will be.