Setting the parent trap

IF,AS a father, I were asked to describe my “parenting style”, what would my answer be?Would it match any of the answers we hear on BRITAIN’S BEST PARENT? (Channel 4, 8.05pm)

“My parenting style is a feminist one,” declares one contestant, young mum Joanna. “The key element of a feminist parenting style would be to promote gender fluidity in your children.”

Naah, it’s probably not going to be that one if I’m honest.

“Our parenting style is Easterninfluenced,” announce another pair, Robin and Rin. “It produces someone who is assertive, confident, righteous and intellectually formidable.”

Blimey, that sounds a bit-full-on. Anyone got a better option?

“Our parenting style is what we would deem to be lazy…” chip in Kerry and Kevin.

Ooh, now at least this sounds a bit more honest…

“…so we don’t enforce rules, we allow them to do pretty much what they want.”

Oh, god, no, forget it – that sounds terrible as well. For heaven’s sake, what on earth is the matter with these people?

Hmm, funny you should ask.The thing that’s the matter, I’d suggest, is that when this programme asked them to define their “parenting style” they actually each had an answer.As opposed to saying: “Parenting style?What in god’s name is a ‘parenting style’? Who the hell talks like that?”

Presented by Anita Rani, Britain’s Best Parent? (that question mark speaks volumes) will feature a dozen families from around the country, all with very different views on how kids should be raised.

Each week, three of these families will spend eight hours looking after the other families’ children in the way they insist is best.

Then, in front of a studio audience, they’ll sit on sofas and watch footage of what happened and have a full, frank and definitely not at all self-righteous discussion about it.

And once they’ve done that, members of the audience can ask them questions, although not the sort of questions I’d dearly like to ask these people myself. Oh, and then there’s some sort of vote to determine “the winner”.

Elsewhere, in FOOTBALL, PRINCE WILLIAM AND OUR MENTAL HEALTH

our future King uses our national game as a framework in which to examine issues which men in particular have traditionally felt reluctant to open up about.

William believes the horror of two world wars left a damaging legacy for generations, as people preferred to “internalise” their problems and just get on with their lives.

“Right now,” he says, “we have to start questioning whether that’s relevant in today’s world.”