We’re feeling the pinch

IKNOW exactly what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Hold on a moment, hasn’t SHOPLIFTERS: AT WAR WITH THE LAW (Channel 5, 9pm) already been on?” And you’d be right, of course. You’re rarely anything but.

The confusion arises from the fact that this is actually a six-part series.

Yes, six whole episodes, each an hour long.

Tonight’s is merely the second. Golly.

Not that I mind, of course. I’ve become quite a fan of these Channel 5 docu-series, the sort where topics such as this – which once upon a time would have been allotted a cursory hour of TV at the very most – provide us with week upon week of intense if admittedly somewhat samey human drama.

Their secret is to turn the key participants into proper rounded characters in their own right.

Characters we viewers start to care about, feel for and empathise with. In this case it’s the security guards who patrol two major shopping centres, one in Coventry, the other in Northampton.

Helping each of these guys to stand out is the particular specialism he brings to the job.

For example, among the 12-strong security team at Coventry’s West Orchards centre we have Paul (who goes by the call sign of Zulu 5) and Rob (Zulu 16).

Their respective fields of expertise, we’re told, are “target detection” and “strategic positioning”, and while I’m fairly sure this just means “spotting the thieving little ******** ” and “standing in the perfect place to nab them”, that doesn’t make me respect Paul and Rob any the less.

Nor do I feel inclined to chuckle (well, OK, I do a little bit) when another member of their team, a chap called Lewis (Zulu 4), assures us they’re “just like the police, apart from the handcuffs”, making him sound uncannily like Gareth from The Office.

The fact is these guys are doing a scary job.

It’s not like the old days when my dad had his gift shop, when his tactic (a consistently successful one, it has to be said) was simply to decide which customers looked shifty and follow them around at a distance of about 18 inches until they took the hint.

Your modern-day shoplifter – contributing to a problem that’s been costing retailers £2.2billion a year – can be a seriously nasty piece of work, often part of an organised gang and frequently prone to violence (hence the security teams having to wear stab vests).

And this show leaves us in no doubt as to the risks involved in apprehending such types.

“When I see you out there,” one of them warns the guys who’ve caught him red-handed, “You’re gonna get done in…”