A French farce that’s a sick joke

JGREETINGS from the South of France or, as I call it, the naughty step.As ever, it’s lovely here – perfect weather, azure sea, gorgeous food. I’m not trying to make you jealous but I’m aware I’m coming over as a bit of a moaning Minnie when I say I’m stuck here against my will, unable to return home unless I want to spend two weeks under house arrest.

When I complain to British friends shivering under sopping skies, they tell me to stop grousing. They’d swap their rain-soaked staycations any time for a spell on the Riviera, quarantine or no quarantine.

So I know I’ll get, and deserve, precious little sympathy for unwillingly extending our summer holiday in Provence in the hope that the British government will stop running around like headless chickens and apply some common sense.

Like accepting the perfectly rational suggestion from the airline industry that travellers returning to the UK from arbitrarily-selected “red-list” countries should have a Covid test on arrival, and another a few days later.

Negative results would mean spending only a handful of days locked up at home instead of a mystifyingly-punishing fortnight. Make no mistake, UK quarantine measures are a total punishment. Dictionary definition: To “teach someone a lesson”. Unlike lockdown, it’s the Full Monty of home imprisonment.You can’t leave the house.You can’t shop for food.You can’t exercise.You can’t walk the dog. If you need food or medication, you must ask a neighbour. If you break the rules, you’ll be fined £1,000.

It’s utterly disgraceful that ordinary lawabiding citizens behaving sensibly and carefully on holiday are punished like naughty children, while there’s no house arrest for the irresponsible idiots who go to packed raves and street parties in their hundreds. It feels like we’re travelling on a ship of fools, crewed by a disastrous cabinet.Where are the wise heads; where is the good judgment in this government? Where are the elder statesmen? All banished by Boris and Brexit, that’s where.We need confidence, belief in the future. But we’re losing faith fast in this strangely unsure PM and his incompetent sixth-form cabinet.

Get a grip, Boris, or we’ll never forgive you.