BEACHCOMBER

103 YEARS OLD AND STILL FAR FROM EXTINCT...

THE dinosaurs were getting worried. Predictions had been made of an asteroid hitting Earth which could, some said, lead to their extinction. Anxious dinosaur eyes were constantly being pointed skywards. And the asteroid was getting closer.

European dinosaurs insisted they must be guided by science, which was a bit of a problem as science had not really been invented and even the most advanced dinosaurs agreed it had not yet been perfected, so science-led opinions showed a great deal of variation.

Dinosaur-distancing was seen as a key feature, with the most cautious policymakers recommending that dinosaurs should stay 200 miles apart, as the largest asteroid known to hit Earth left a crater of 118 miles radius, so if they stayed 200 miles apart it probably would not hit more than one of them.

Others accepted the risk of higher death rates and recommended dinosaurdistancing requirements down to one or two metres. They also grounded all the flying dinosaurs, for fear that the asteroid could hit flocks of them and create clouds of flaming pterodactyls.

The most pessimistic dinosaurs, however, suggested they were all doomed unless they evolved into birds and flew to the tops of trees and mountains when the asteroid hit. The leader of the American dinosaurs, however, the huge and influential Trumposaurus, responded to warnings of impending disaster with a repeated cry of “Asteroid, smashteroid, it’s all a hoax” and said he had it on good authority that asteroids are harmless and it’s only meteors that crash into the Earth. His advisors told him that asteroids turn into meteors when they enter the Earth’s atmosphere and can be very dangerous, but this did not convince Trumposaurus.

“That’s just scientific speculation,” the Trumposaurus said, “but in case that happens, I’m gargling with an anti-meteor bleach I’ve been recommended, and I have in my pocket a face mask which I’ll put on if we do get hit by an asteroid or meteor.”

And the asteroid came closer still and turned into a meteor. And the meteor hit the Earth with a splat, causing such devastation, and such a cloud of dust, that one by one, all the dinosaurs died.

And the last words of the Trumposaurus were: “Not my fault. It is what it is.”