CommuniCATion the feline way... what your kitty really thinks about humans ‘I’m beginning to feel sorry for Dr Yuki, having to deal with dumb animals like VeeBee’

Our very special correspondent Mrs Peel plays cat and mouse with Japan’s leading moggy expert

feelings for human beings and they are not always logical,” says Dr Yuki. “Does my cat love me?” asks VeeBee, sounding, frankly, embarrassingly needy.

What is she, some sort of a dog?

But Dr Yuki is clearly taking her seriously. “Cats are social animals, so if they grow up with their owner, they should like their owner a lot.”

“Owner.” What a curious word. I’ve never come across that one before, but now it’s my turn to get back in the picture, so I give VeeBee a friendly headbutt (it works every time, and I warrant there will be tuna on the table tonight) and resume my rightful place, centre stage.

“Why are some people afraid of us?” I demand. “It’s because you’re mysterious,” Dr Yuki says. “In Europe cats became associated with witches. In Japan, we have a cat monster, Bakeneko.”

I’ve heard about this one: people are afraid of cats because our irises change shape and our fur causes sparks.

Personally, though, I think it’s because we can sneak up on people unawares and then sit there looking like statues.

When my late boyfriend Steed lived here, we used to position ourselves in a line in the hall. VeeBee would come out of her bedroom and soar upwards in shock.

As soon as she wasn’t looking we would change position again and then sit stock still to give her yet another miniheart attack.

I read somewhere that a race of Dr Who villains did something similar. The Weeping Angels, I think they were called. Anyway, it’s time for a nap. I’ve only slept 23 out of the last 24 hours and I’m bushed.

Dr Yuki is telling us about his own cats, a pair of Maine Coons, Queen and Knight. Queen had a husband called Puma, but when he died, Knight was brought in to protect her. Dr Yuki, whose book reveals what things like the direction of our whiskers, and the way our tail is pointing, mean, has had cats since he was 19.

But VeeBee is at it again. Home working is SO difficult with all these interruptions. “May a cat look at a king?” she is asking; doesn’t she know they have emperors in Japan and not kings? Dr Yuki is looking a little perplexed.

“A cat may look at anyone,” he says eventually, sounding puzzled. “Here’s looking at you, kid,” I say toVeeBee and give her another head butt. Soppy old human. She’s actually about to purr.

●●What Cats Want: An Illustrated Guide For Truly Understanding Your Cat byYuki Hattori (Bloomsbury, £12.99) is published on Thursday. For free UK delivery, call 01872 562310 or order via www.expressbookshop.co.uk