Desperate for my touch... care home stops wife from holding the hand of dying husband
‘What are they protecting him from?’ asks family
A DISTRESSED wife last night described the torment of being banned from holding the hand of her dying husband for 10 months.
Chris Suich is locked in an access battle with the care home where dementia patient Bob is diagnosed as end of life.
The tragic situation should mean that the primary school teacher is allowed to visit on compassionate grounds.
But neither she nor her hospital doctor son – both of whom regularly test negative for Covid – have been able to see him for a meaningful visit since March 12.
It has left the key worker pair – who have toiled on the frontline in the pandemic – heartbroken.
Bob, 68, contracted Covid at The Elms in Louth, Lincolnshire, last year. Now his dementia is so advanced his GP has given him months to live. Despite this mum and son remain locked out.
Chris said: “At first it was waving from the road, then window visits, then outside in the garden two metres away watching carers hold his hand when he tried to stand in his wheelchair, arms outstretched trying to reach me, desperate for my touch.
“They said they were keeping him safe, protecting him from me as I might have Covid. But he got it in the home, not from me.
“My GP agreed he is at the end of life as he is not expected to live another year and has written a letter I can give to the care home.
“But they recognise end of life as only the last 48 hours, not the last year, as it states in the new government guidance. What are we protecting him from now?
“We are grateful to the amazing care home staff that look after Bob, but they don’t love him.
“I love him. I never put him in a home not to be able to hold his hand again.”
Bob, former head of leisure and tourism at East Lindsey District Council, suffered mild memory problems in 2015 and was initially told he had amnesic disorder.
Brain scans confirmed early onset Alzheimer’s and his condition has rapidly deteriorated in the past two years.
Chris, 59, said: “My GP said the home might not know when his last 48 hours will be and am terrified I won’t be able to comfort him before he dies.
“The home has written a letter stating exceptional circumstances are ‘imminent death’ but I need a meaningful visit now.
“I have told them they are wrong in not recognising the official definition. Window visits are not satisfactory.”
Chris gave up her assistant principal position at Macaulay Primary Academy in Grimsby in 2015 to care for Bob at home and went part-time, employing a carer to look after her husband on the days she worked.
But just a week before the pandemic erupted she was so exhausted she admitted she could no longer cope and took the
decision to place him in care. He was moved to The Elms, which is run by Burlington Care and rated good, in July after his first home demanded fees touching £1,000 a week. Bob was able to walk when he went into care in March but now requires a hoist.
The couple’s son Joseph, 36, is an Academic Clinical Fellow in
Infectious Diseases. He took part in the first Oxford AstraZeneca trial and works at Castle Hill Hospital in Cottingham, near Hull, which dealt with Britain’s first Covid cases.
He said: “In my job I do everything to mitigate risk. As a doctor I can see my father but as a son I can’t. That seems ludicrous to me.
If you can have PPE for residents and patients then surely you can do the same for visitors?
“As a doctor I base the care I give on guidance and what’s best for the patient and yet here they are refusing to do so.
“My father has a terminal illness and we don’t have time.” Chris has had three window visits
since November and several meetings via social media. During the last, despite not knowing she is his wife, he told her: “Hello, I love you.” It left her heartbroken.
She said: “I feel tortured because Bob is on my mind all the time. My greatest fear is he is without me and not able to hold my hand because I know that means everything to him. I have told the home, I have told everyone. But no one seems to understand. There is no doubt he has suffered.
“He is very confused and not being able to have meaningful visits has been hugely detrimental.
“We feel the lack of stimulation and close contact visits have furthered his decline and wellbeing.”
Despite the Government providing rapid testing for visitors and changing guidelines to enable visits many care homes continue to lock loved ones out.
Campaigning group Rights for Residents is demanding emergency legislation to enshrine the right of essential family carers in law as is the case in Canada and is being considered in Scotland.
The Department of Health and Social Care said: “Close contact indoor visits even when supported by testing cannot currently take place other than in exceptional circumstances, such as end of life.” Burlington Care was unavailable for comment.