Is this the secret to an appy marriage?
Like many couples, Debbi Marco and her husband Matt have felt their relationship come under pressure during the Covid-19 pandemic. Could a new app help them grow closer again?
When I promised to love my husband until death do us part, I hadn’t factored in a global pandemic.
Like lots of other families, we suddenly found ourselves stuck in our house 24 hours a day, seven days a week, apart from the odd hour of exercise. Add to that two energetic children, aged 10 and seven, being home schooled, me working full time and my husband Matt being without work since lockdown began in March, it has been a perfect storm.
So it’s no surprise there have been cross words, the odd slammed door, the occasional threat to leave and never come back, and every so often a shouting match so loud we have to text our neighbours to apologise.
So when I heard about the free Paired relationship app, which promises to improve communication and deepen intimacy in just 10 minutes a day, we decided to give it a go.
I already had an app for fitness and for meditation – so could the same work for my relationship?
It’s simple to use. Both couples download the app and link their accounts and it uses a combination of quizzes, daily questions and audio courses.
Every day, Matt, 39, and I would answer a series of questions with smiley, sad or neutral faces. Our answers were shared with each other and it felt like fun at first – but on occasions when our icons didn’t match, feelings did get hurt.
For example, when Matt felt he did enough around the house he put a smiley face. But I answered the question with a neutral face. Who does the housework is a common fight of ours, so I clicked through to the expert advice. It talked about why couples might feel this way and gave solutions such as list-making, as well as praising the other person.
We noticed on topics such as money and values we’re completely aligned, but when it came to having fun or how much time to spend relaxing, we were worlds apart. The app has shown us we could communicate better but also that our relationship is fundamentally OK – even if we shout too much and don’t hold hands quite as often as we should.
MAtt sAYs:
It’s been a tough 10 months all locked in together, so I happily agreed to experiment with the Paired app. Although it hasn’t been a revelation, it has reminded us to consider each other a bit more.
Throughout lockdown Debbi has been working hard, and struggling with feeling isolated, and the Paired app has prompted me to remember a few little things that might lighten her day.
It’s also been a nice way of reminding me of how well matched we are and how important we are to each other.
So while there might be a few extra arguments, it’s clear that we are in a good relationship.
Paired is free to download via the App Store
Who does the housework is a common fight of ours, so I clicked for expert advice