Here are the Bear bones
I’M SORRY to disappoint you but I’ve not yet been able to watch a final cut, as we hip telly types like to call it, of BEAR AND JONNY WILKINSON’S WILD ADVENTURE, a new two-parter starting tonight on ITV (8pm). And there’s only so much I’m allowed to tell you about the unfinished version I’ve taken a look at.
But I can’t just ignore such a programme altogether, can I? What sort of professional would I be if I spotted a programme in the schedules called Bear And Jonny Wilkinson’s Wild Adventure and I didn’t at least alert you to its existence?What if I just shrugged to myself and thought: “Naah, they won’t want to read about that one, it’ll be the same as all the other Bear Grylls shows, only with a different celeb being dragged to the middle of nowhere and made to scale cliffs and munch insects, much like all those Gareth Malone programmes are ultimately all the same, only with different people being persuaded to perform dreadful choral versions of songs by Coldplay.”
But to give you at least a broad outline of what to expect, Bear has taken former rugby union star Jonny on a trip to Dartmoor, to battle the wild, to put his physical and mental limits to the test and “to learn the key basic survival skills necessary to survive in remote terrain”.
I’m not sure why Jonny Wilkinson would ever need to do any of those things, unless he falls behind on the mortgage repayments, but I guess it does no harm to be prepared.
As ever, of course, Bear will want his famous companion to open up about himself.
Besides the programme’s obligatory scary bits – the physical challenges, such as where Jonny has to overcome his fear of heights and confined spaces (both of which are perfectly rational fears in my book and ought to be actively encouraged) – there’ll be scenes where they’re sat nattering around a campfire, and Jonny will be talking candidly about his achievements in life, his hopes, his fears, his dreams, that funny way he stuck out his bottom when he took a penalty, and Bear will be listening to him intently, and saying: “Yes, gosh, that’s fascinating, Jonny. Fancy another deep-fried cockroach..?”
Elsewhere this evening, it’s semi-final week in INTERIOR DESIGN MASTERS WITH ALAN CARR
Or is it restaurant week? Well, actually, it’s both. How confusing is that?
Not particularly.
The four remaining designers are in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire, working to transform a couple of local eateries.
In a shock twist last week, nobody got sent home. But that can’t keep happening or else we’ll be here until Christmas, so now two are for the chop.