Overdue oasis of hope had better be for real
CAN it really have been a whole year? It seems like yesterday that I received the call telling me not to come into the office, but I was last on a plane in February 2020, I have been inside a theatre exactly once in 12 months and the last time I dined out was in December.
None of that is usual. But I’ve had my first jab and a let-up is on the horizon.And so, needless to say, our competitive instincts have kicked in and now there’s a race to see who is most paranoid about going back to the new norm.
“I can’t possibly go back to the office: I’ve developed agoraphobia.” “Take public transport? All those germs!” “I don’t think I’m going to be able to cope going out in public. In the last year I’ve actually forgotten how to talk.”
It’s always the same people. The ones who whinged loudest about lockdown are the ones now complaining about being forced to walk down a street in which someone is not wearing a mask.
Then there are those going on about how much they loved lockdown and all the solitude and contemplation, which is a subtle way of saying you really hate your family and friends.
There’s boasting about the fact that, unlike the rest of us who have wasted a year on social media, their Italian is now quite fluent, there are pictures on Instagram that quite clearly illustrate the fact that someone’s been to a black market hairdresser and as the rest of us contemplate our lockdown weight gain, there are the people who have taken up exercise. “And two stone!”
What have we learned in lockdown? That it’s not a good idea to wear lipstick under a mask, but go for it with the mascara because that’s all anyone is going to see.
That grey T-shirts hide a myriad of sins, for which read food stains, and that the fermented grape counts as at least three of your five a day.
That it is quite normal to wake up to a pile of parcels you bought from Amazon the night before and totally forgotten about.
That we live in a world of snitches. Who on earth dobbed that grandmother in for having a socially distanced cup of tea with the neighbours? Have ever net curtains been more frequently twitched?
But in three weeks’ time restaurants with gardens, hair salons and shops will reopen. Some lofty souls are saying they’ve learned to live without such fripperies and concentrate on the important things in life. But for the rest of us, it’s beginning to look like an oasis materialising in the desert.
WI’ve lost
PLEASE could someone tell me what a “Chief Impact Officer” is?
HAT ELSE has lockdown taught us? That we need our freedom and crave normality. Let’s hope the Government really gets it right this time (and all credit to its amazing triumph with the vaccines).
Because if they try another lockdown, for the second time in this nation’s history they’re going to have a revolution on their hands.