The silent killer
The pandemic has seen a worrying rise in coercive control, but this newly defined type of domestic violence is still poorly understood and often overlooked. Here Beena Nadeem speaks to a survivor who is determined to raise awareness
The past year has been a difficult one for all of us, with unique stress and the pressure of juggling working from home along with isolation from friends and family. While the stay-at-home order was designed to protect us, for some women it was highly dangerous, because the person they lived with was also their abuser. From the start of the nationwide lockdown last year, domestic abuse helplines experienced a 60 per cent rise in calls from victims of physical violence and coercive control. Across the past year 81per cent of callers described being controlled by their partners and the number of women killed by men in the first three weeks of lockdown was the highest for 11 years. Domestic violence is nothing new, but there’s been a rise in coercive control and behaviour, a form of domestic abuse that only became a crime five years ago. Recent analysis from the University of Gloucester shows coercive control was present in 92 per cent of all domestic murders. The crime, which serves to isolate, bully and control victims, can include anything from stealing, spying, threatening and sexual abuse to someone controlling when you can eat, sleep or use the bathroom. Additional offences such as non-fatal strangulation and sharing sexual images by current or former partners have also recently been added to the charge. In October 2018, Natalie Curtis, 41, became one of the first people in the UK to secure a conviction for coercive control against her ex-husband. Natalie’s ex received a two-year sentence and an indefinite restraining order. It came after five years of harrowing abuse, which included him chasing her around their home with a knife threatening to kill her, stealing £85,000 in loans from her and demanding a suicide pact. Natalie met her former husband in 2012 at work. “At the beginning he was really kind and caring,” she says. “He had a short temper but it wasn’t directed at me. He’d get stressed and angry, but in 10 minutes it was forgotten about.” Soon his behaviour started to change. “He called me up to 50 times a day. It wasn’t necessarily controlling, more like ‘where are you?’ or ‘what are you up to?’ He would constantly call to the point where my friends took my phone away from me.” Natalie’s partner wanted things to happen quickly. They moved in together and after six months they were engaged. It was then that things began to escalate. “He would scream insults at me as soon as I’d get in,” says Natalie, who works in health and safety. “I would shake from head to toe. “Outside the house in public, he was all cuddles, but inside he was awful and violent. He said if I ever left, he would kill himself.” The one time Natalie did inform the police was after her partner chased her with a knife, shouting “you’re dead”. Although arrested, he was only charged with malicious communication. “As soon as he was let out of court, he was calling me. There was no protection and no restrictions,” she says. “He said if I ever called the police on him again, he would kill himself, the officer and me. I had no reason to doubt him.” Then one day in July 2018 he marched Natalie to a pawnshop to exchange her wedding and engagement rings for money. “I knew that if I didn’t leave he would kill me and I would just be another statistic,” says Natalie, who was by then suffering with depression and anxiety. “That evening when he was at work, I asked my best friend to come and get me.” With the support of Women’s Aid, Natalie is piecing her life back together. She still suffers from anxiety attacks and has been diagnosed with PTSD. Now an ambassador for charity Women’s Aid, she sees how the inconsistent training police officers receive creates a deadly postcode lottery when it comes to support and the evidence needed to secure a conviction. Women around the country are being let down by untrained magistrates and a court system unable to understand coercive control and behaviour. “If the police, magistrates and Crown Courts don’t have training in domestic abuse, how can they make huge decisions when they don’t understand?” she says. Melani Elliott, head of charity Safelives, describes coercive control as one of the deadliest forms of abuse. Safelives is working alongside Women’s Aid to spearhead a nationwide training programme of the country’s police forces. “Don’t think just because that person is managing to keep safe now it will always be like that,” says Melani. “It will likely turn to violence, often when that person is trying to break free. Then the perpetrator will take the ultimate control. And that, of course, is murder.” Officers are being trained to recognise, treat and gather evidence better, from front desk and call centre staff through to the most senior levels. And it’s working. Analysis undertaken by Hull University found a 41 per cent increase in arrest for controlling coercive behaviour for those forces that had undertaken the training. Yet the conviction rate remains dismally low. In 2019 there were just 584 prosecutions for controlling or coercive behaviour, despite the police recording more than 1.3 million domestic abuse incidents. For anyone unsure whether they should stay in a relationship, Natalie gives her advice. “Trust your gut,” she says. “If you’re scared of your partner, if there’s bullying, intimidation or control, start looking up help from domestic abuse support services such as Women’s Aid.”
He said if I called the cops he’d kill me, himself and the police officer too