‘I WAS SUICIDAL BUT PRETENDED TO BE FINE’
NHS call handler Ben Hawkins was minutes from ending his life when he was saved by chance.
In late 2019, after suffering in an abusive relationship, and following the news his best friend LukeWright had taken his life, Ben, 23, decided to end his.
But a pal found him just as he was about to commit suicide and this prompted Ben, who works for East of England Ambulance Service, to seek help.
His friend Luke was 24 and had a nine-month-old daughter.
Ben said: “I will always beat myself up and think, ‘What if I had just messaged Luke that night?’”
After the tragedy, he took a day off – and when he returned to work he received a call from a suicidal individual in strikingly similar circumstances to his own.
He said: “They explained they had been in an emotionally abusive relationship and had lost a friend to suicide.
“I was feeling suicidal too but I had to put on a front, pretending I was fine.That night I attempted I suicide. And it was only luck that I am here today.”
Ben was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and received unwavering support from his employer who funded the majority of his counselling sessions, despite most NHS staff only receiving six.
He has just finished 16 months of intensive cognitive behavioural therapy and now works with Mind and TASC, the ambulance staff charity, crusading for better mental health among blue light workers.
He said: “I am in a much better place now. Before I was crying every single day. On my way to work I would cry so much I would vomit in the car park before going in to take 999 calls.
“The public has no idea how many NHS staff are suffering and take time off work with bad mental health. It’s scary.”