Friends look like strangers to me
Carly Steel suffers from face blindness, a rare condition that means she can’t recognise faces, even of those closest to her
It was a trip to the supermarket in December 2016 that proved to be the final straw. Carly Steel was getting on with her shopping when a man began pushing his trolley into hers.
“It was incredibly annoying,” says Carly, 41. “He kept saying, ‘It’s me’, over and over, but he was a complete stranger.
“Then he said my name and it was as if his face changed before my eyes. I suddenly recognised him. He was a friend I’d known 15 years. I was mortified.”
While most people know that feeling of panic when someone starts talking and you have no idea who they are, this has been Carly’s life for as long as she can remember. She has prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness.
But until that fateful supermarket trip, she had no idea how serious it was.
“By my early 20s I’d just accepted I was terrible at remembering faces,” says Carly, a network marketer and mum of one from Crawley, West Sussex.
“People would tell my friends I’d blanked them on the street or ignored them on a night out.
“I knew it upset people and that hurt me. I’m a good person and would never do that to someone on purpose. I just couldn’t seem to recognise who anyone was.
“To most people each face looks different. To me unless there’s something incredibly distinctive about a face – like a really huge nose or a tattoo – I just don’t remember it. Glasses, hair and clothes I remember. But faces? No.”
For close friends and family who Carly sees all the time, it still takes a few seconds to remember them.
But for people she doesn’t see regularly or who turn up in an unexpected place, it’s a complete blank. And it impacts every area of her life.
“I’ve never watched TV. What’s the point? All I see are blonde or brunette people who otherwise look the same. It’s just a confusing, boring experience.”
Then there’s the world of work.
“I was air cabin crew in my 20s and loved my job. But I couldn’t remember which person I was supposed to be helping. I’d develop tricks, like memorising clothes or seat numbers.
“It was the only way to get the job done.”
In 2005, Carly saw a man in her block of flats and they briefly spoke. Later that day, police were there investigating an attempted break-in.
“I realised that they were talking about the man I’d seen. But when they asked me for a description it was a total blank.
“I couldn’t say a single thing about him, apart from his jacket. I must have looked like a total fool, and I was worried they’d think I was lying. It was horrible.”
Carly developed some strategies to avoid the problem.
“I’d look at my phone rather than at people, to give myself an excuse
not to engage. It just seemed easier than looking at them and then struggling to know who they were.” Then came that shopping trip. “When I got home that day I sat down and googled, ‘why don’t I recognise faces?’
“That’s when I read about prosopagnosia for the first time. It was an incredible feeling – there was a name for what I had.”
The web page she found also had an online test.
Clicking through Carly compared various faces and then saw if she could remember them.
“When I finished the test, I had an email from a university that was doing a study into the condition.
“They asked if I’d come and take part. I was only too happy to help. The test I did there also involved comparing faces.
“There isn’t an actual diagnosis for prosopagnosia, but at the end of the test they told me that there was an incredibly high probability that I have it.”
She admits that the experience of taking the tests was difficult, as it made her realise just how hard she found recognising people.
But it’s also given a name to what, for years, felt like a personal failing to Carly.
“Now if my friends hear someone say I’ve ignored them they will speak up for me.
“And my 11-year-old daughter Taaliah is great at reminding me who someone is.
“I’m just glad that now I know why I could meet you today and not recognise you tomorrow.”
‘‘ He said my name. It was as if his face changed before my eyes