How to fix your post-pandemic panic

If you’re feeling anxious about the world now restrictions are lifting, you’re not alone says psychotherapist Anna Mathur

For an entire year our social lives have existed through FaceTime, Zoom quizzes and walks around the block. But not any more. Barbecues are being dusted off, diaries are filling up – face-to-face socialising is back on the cards.

For some, the idea of getting back to social activities could not be more exciting. For others, however, stress and anxiety are mounting as fast as their plans.

If that’s you, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. I can assure you nobody is emerging back into life unchanged in some way.

So if you’re wondering why “normal” suddenly feels so abnormal, read on for my advice. It’s important to socialise, but go easy on yourself.

Respecting how you feel as you start meeting up with people again – and putting things in place to support you – will not only help you through the next few months, but for the rest of your life too.

SLOW AND STEADY

Feeling socially rusty? It’s understandable. There’s absolutely no need to rip off the socialising band aid.

Give yourself time – as much time as you need. As the restrictions lift, don’t put pressure on yourself.

Try to view these next few months as a period of recovery as you process the impact that this last year has had on you and those around you. Things will settle, but expect this to come over time, not overnight.

PAUSE BEFORE SAYING YES

If you’re feeling a little socially anxious, introduce a personal pause button. So when an invitation comes, instead of replying right away, introduce a pause. Say: “Let me check the diary. I’ll message you later”.

This gives you a moment to see how it might fit, not just time-wise, but mentally into your schedule.

If you’re someone who used to get burnt out from taking too much on, this will help prevent you

returning to that cycle.

BE AWARE OF YOUR FUEL GAUGE

The socialising “fuel” you have available to you changes each day, depending on how much rest and support you have, or how stressful life is at that time.

These things will impact what you feel able to face socially. While finding your feet, you might feel socialising takes more energy than it used to and that you have less capacity for it. This will change as you begin to feel more comfortable and confident. If you find yourself getting exhausted and overwhelmed, reshuffle things so that you can have more downtime to refuel.

DON’T COMPARE

There seems to be pressure to emerge confidently from lockdown with new skills. Of course, there will be those who do, but remember most of the population won’t, and instead have spent the year desperately trying to hold onto income and sanity.

We have become good at wearing masks (and not just the PPE kind).

How someone else seems to be coping, isn’t a statement of whether you’re winning or failing. Navigating the challenges of the pandemic in your life is productive enough.

ROLL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS

Avoid telling yourself you should be doing better or that you shouldn’t be finding this challenging because someone else has it harder.

Yes, someone else will always have it better or harder than you. But making yourself feel guilty is only going to add to the pressure.

When you experience an emotion, name it and follow with “and that’s OK”.

For example, “I feel really frustrated, and that’s OK”. If we brush emotions under the carpet, they don’t go away, it just gets lumpy. But by acknowledging and respecting how you feel, emotions can pass.

CALM ANXIETY

If you feel anxiety rising, whether your heart is racing or your mind won’t stop making a drama out of a crisis, these grounding tools will help. Counting back from 100 in increments of three takes just enough brain power to stop over-thinking in its tracks. Also you can use a breathing exercise (in deeply for four seconds, out for six) to slow your body. By calming your mind and body, you’ll think clearer.

EMBRACE AWKWARD

If you arrive at a gathering feeling anxious or awkward, it can be an ice breaker to tell someone. Often people will feel relieved they’re not alone, because it’s likely, someone else will also be finding it challenging too. The more we are able to be open about the way we feel in social situations, the more likely we will be able to relax. It’s hard to feel comfortable when you’re faking how you feel.

EXPECT CHANGE

Relationships will have deepened or drifted over the last year in the pressure cooker of the pandemic. There may be some awkward conversations, or feelings of frustration – even grief – if relationships that meant a lot have shifted.

If that is the case for you, take a breath and decide whether you need to let go, or step forward and talk about how things might be rebuilt.

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF

It’s so easy to look back over the past year and think of all the things you didn’t or couldn’t do.

But try not to do that, and instead remember you’ve been through a lot. Don’t interpret what hasn’t been done as failure. Think about the times you didn’t think you could face another day of furlough, home learning or isolation, and here you are. You did it.

SEEK SUPPORT

Everyone has reached for things to help them through the lockdowns, from box set marathons to wine o’clock – and these habits can creep in earlier each day.

However, what begins as a habit to help us cope can become something that holds us back.

If you are not feeling yourself don’t be afraid to seek help.

The impact of the pandemic on mental health has been vast, and you’re no failure if you have found it extremely challenging – you’re human. If you need support in any way, please speak to your doctor to see what is available for you.

‘‘ Things will settle but expect this to come over time, not overnight

Know Your Worth: How To Build Your Self-esteem, Grow In Confidence And Worry Less About What People Think by Anna Mathur (Piatkus, £14.99)