The hidden world of kinship carers
It’s estimated that 200,000 UK children are in kinship care – when a child is taken in by a friend or relative – yet a new report says 70 per cent don’t receive adequate support.
My two half siblings would have gone into care and that didn’t sit right with me
We were plunged into this world we knew nothing about and felt totally lost
As Laura Thornton walks her three kids home from school, she looks like any other mum. She is responsible for Tommy, 13, Annabelle, 10, and four-year-old Frankie – from cooking their dinner to helping with homework.
But Laura, 31, isn’t Tommy and Annabelle’s birth mother, but their half-sister (they have the same father). She was plunged into the world of parenthood when their mother died of a heart condition five years ago.
Selflessly, Laura volunteered to become their guardian, despite being pregnant with her daughter Frankie at the time.
Since then, she’s juggled life as a new mother with learning how to parent two grieving children.
“It’s been a massive challenge, but I wouldn’t change it for the world,” says Laura, from West Sussex.
“Tommy and Annabelle would have been split up if they went into care and that didn’t sit right with me. They’d already been through enough.”
Laura is not alone. She’s part of the hidden army of kinship carers – friends or relatives who take on parental responsibilities for children when their biological parents are unable to.
It’s estimated there are 200,000 children in kinship care in the UK, but unlike foster carers, the emotional and financial support they receive from local authorities is discretionary.
A new report has revealed that 70 per cent of kinship carers say they don’t receive adequate help from their local council, including a third who receive no money at all.
What’s more, children in kinship care often have increased emotional needs as they’re grieving for a parent, or have lived in abusive homes.
“Children growing up in kinship care will have faced similar childhood traumas as those in foster care or adoption, yet the support to help them cope is missing,” says
Dr Lucy Peake, chief executive of charity Kinship.
On taking on the full-time care of Tommy and Annabelle, Laura says: “I was only 26 – it was a huge change. I went from being single and working full time to being a full-time parent.”
She had to give up her job in the hospitality industry, and her friends struggled with her situation.
“I lost touch with a lot of friends because, before I became their legal guardian, everyone who came into contact with the kids had to be vetted by social services,” she says. “Dating was out of the question. My life changed overnight.”
Laura doesn’t receive financial support from her local council, and instead relies on income support and child benefit.
Social services encouraged her to apply for legal guardianship, and 18 months after moving in with them, she became their guardian. “Me and the kids are very close and they know they can tell me anything,” she says. “When they’re ready, they can call me mum if they want to.”
At first, Tommy and Annabelle found it hard to adjust, and Laura took courses to help coach them through their grief and anger. Despite loving being a guardian, Laura wishes there was better support for kinship carers.
“There is support out there, but unfortunately you have to find it yourself,” she says. “I wish it was more readily available.”
Kinship carers Stuart Black and his wife Inta agree. They know first hand the difficulties of navigating the care system.
Inta had three children of her own when the couple met – Elvijs, now 27, Emils, 24, and Krista, 16.
Then one of her friends, also called Inta, became unwell.
“We spoke every day on the phone and were very close,” says Inta.
By Christmas 2016, her health had taken a turn for the worse.
“I took a month off work to help look after her three kids – Gabby, then five, Kristian, six, and Dan, 14,” says Inta, 50, who lives in Frimley Green, Surrey. “She was in bed and looked really unwell.”
Inta urged her friend to go to the doctor, but she had lost faith in her GP after several fruitless visits. And tragically, a few weeks later she died, aged just 35.
“It was a horrible shock,” says Stuart, 56, a mental health practitioner. “We were looking after her three children and we didn’t know what to do.”
Stuart and Inta broke the awful news to the children, and began tracking down their friend’s relatives, who lived in Latvia.
Meanwhile, they contacted their local council for advice.
“We said we’d do everything we could to keep the kids safe,” says Stuart. “We live in Surrey and the kids are from Bedford, but neither council wanted to take on the case at first.
“We were plunged into this world we knew nothing about and felt completely lost.”
And since their relatives lived in Latvia, Stuart and Inta were the only chance the children had of not going into care.
“I sat down with my kids and asked what they’d think about us looking after Gabby, Kristian and Dan,” Inta says. “They were really supportive.”
And so she and Stuart began the process to become the children’s legal guardians, and fought to be given the same financial support as foster carers. After 18 months and 11 court visits, they won.
Inta’s older sons have now moved out, but Stuart says: “It turned our lives upside down in different ways. At home, it’s happy chaos.”
Now he is raising awareness of the lack of financial support for kinship carers and recently ran the Royal Parks Half Marathon.
“For special guardianship any financial support is discretionary,” he says.
“It could be nothing at all. It’s a negotiation, but the local authorities have the upper hand – they know the rules as they do it every day, and they know you’re emotionally attached to the children too.”
He wants guaranteed financial support for kinship carers that equals the amount foster carers receive.
And Dr Lucy Peake agrees, saying: “Kinship carers are doing the right thing – keeping children out of the care system. This generosity must be matched with the financial and practical support they urgently need.”
■■Kinship offers advice about being a kinship carer (kinship.org.uk). Stuart is raising funds for the Family Rights Group, visit uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ StuartBlackFRG/1. Sign up for the Royal Parks Half Marathon at royalparkshalf.co.uk