A bitter suite symphony
WE’RE off to Paris tonight for the first in a new series of INSIDE THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE HOTELS (Channel 5, 7pm). I say “we”.To be honest, having taken a look at the first establishment featured, the Hotel GeorgeV – in the swankiest shopping district, a stone’s throw from the Eiffel Tower – I think I might give it a miss.
Don’t get me wrong, it looks lovely if you like that kind of thing. And if you’re happy to splash out €28 for one of their apparently legendary hot chocolates, then I doubt you’ll baulk at the prices of the actual rooms, the cheapest of which, known as the Superior (if it costs less than any of the others, I’m not entirely sure what it’s superior to) will set you back at least £1,242 a night.
No, my problem is I’m not sure I’d get my money’s worth. Even its smallest rooms, for example, are extremely spacious. So that’s a nuisance for starters.
Once I’m ready to go and explore the city, I want to be straight out the door, not having to factor in goodness knows how many extra minutes to find my way across acres of carpet.
Also, the rooms boast features such as “large windows” (so loads of big curtains need pulling), “deep soaking tubs” (shallow ones fill so much more quickly) and “comfortable armchairs” (in which, mark my words, I’d nod off while doing the crossword, then wake up hours later, wondering where I am and what my name is, all of which I can do at home for free).
And as for the “heavenly bed”, well, I wouldn’t be awake to appreciate it, would I? Do you see my point?
Yes, OK, I know, I’m protesting too much.The truth is, this is all pure envy on my part. I’m deeply jealous of anyone so rich that they could buy that kind of luxury whenever they fancied it, such as Sir Keir Starmer.
Straight afterwards, also on Channel 5, we’re in Northern Ireland (that’s more like it) for SUSAN CALMAN’S GRAND DAY OUT (8pm).
Susan’s treats in this one include a game of hurling (with a kids’ team, so it’s less hazardous), and tapping into her little-known, tool-making talents by creating a spade.
This involves heating blocks of high-carbon steel to 1,300 degrees, then shaping the metal with a 200-year-old trip hammer. Bet you wish you hadn’t asked now.
Later, in 1972: BRITAIN’S BIGGEST 70s HITS (Channel 5, 10pm), we recall such classics as School’s Out by Alice Cooper and Puppy Love by Donny Osmond.
Also that year, Slade’s spelling continued to deteriorate, with LookWotYou Dun,Take Me Bak ’Ome, Mama Weer All Crazee Now and, somewhat labouring the point by December, Gudbuy T’Jane.