Get a taste for pork pies
EVER thought of entering MASTERCHEF: THE PROFESSIONALS (BBC1, 9pm)? I have. Admittedly, I’m not a professional chef, nor even much of an amateur one, but I reckon I could wing it. Just hire one of those white cheffy jackets, have at least one of my arms inked with random scribble (chefs seem to love a bit of that) and remember a few key tactics.
Such as? Try not to kill the judges. Have you noticed how often contestants on this show serve up meat that’s semi-raw?
It’s as if they’ve decided they can’t possibly win, so they’ve figured they may as well go out on a high by giving presenter Gregg Wallace botulism.
Also, prepare to tell a few porkies. One of the tasks tonight is to make a dish “inspired by your favourite food memory”. My advice here would be: don’t. Just stick to a dish you know you can cook with your eyes shut (although don’t actually cook it with your eyes shut, obviously. No one likes a smarty-pants), then make up any old twaddle for the “favourite memory” bit.
Earlier, there’s more of MasterChef judge Monica Galetti (it’s almost like a Monica Galetti theme night) as she and Giles Coren visit Madeira in AMAZING HOTELS: LIFE BEYOND THE LOBBY (BBC2, 8pm).
The place they’re staying at this time, Reid’s Palace Hotel, is 130 years old and seriously top notch.
“It’s very unique” is Monica’s first impression.
And well done to Giles for resisting the urge to stop her there and explain that “unique” means “the only one of its kind”, and that “very unique” is therefore gibberish. I guess Giles figures they’re going to be stuck there together for a while and it’s best not to fall out before they’ve even checked in.
As is customary on this show, Monica and Giles have come to this place to be helping hands, to roll up their sleeves and take on whatever chores the management chooses to allocate to them, and to keep toiling away at these, however unglamorous, right up until the cameras stop rolling and they can go and grab a martini.
Giles’s work starts in the Churchill Suite, named after “the celebrated Second World War leader” (apparently, we need that explained to us, perhaps in case we’d otherwise assume it meant the dog from the insurance ad).
It’s here he gets a first glimpse of the hotel’s exacting standards. Having helped make up the bed, he’s handed an electric iron and asked to smooth out all the wrinkles. Winston would have loved that.
Also, you’ll notice the iron Giles uses is a Braun, the epitome of German quality.
I imagine Winston would have had a few choice words to say about that as well.