Having a wail of a time
POSITIVE thinking can work miracles. Patience comes in handy as well. Illustrating these points rather neatly tonight is episode two of ANYONE CAN SING (Sky Arts, 8pm). This is the show in which six people who currently can’t sing for toffee are hoping they’ll have sorted that problem out in just a few weeks’ time, when they step out to perform to an audience of thousands at the English National Opera’s London Coliseum. (I’d imagine the audience of thousands is hoping likewise.)
The patience here, mind you, is required as much from this programme’s vocal coaches as it is from the participants themselves. Luckily, the likes of Scottish opera singer Nicky Spence has absolute shedloads of it. (Unlike me, whose own patience only ever filled a single shed, and I left that behind when we moved house in 1998.)
Nicky is precisely the sort of person you’d want as a teacher, as you’ll see when he sets out to instil some much-needed vocal confidence in the Revd Dr Ellen Clark-King of King’s College London. There’s no getting away from the fact that Ellen, bless her, currently sings like a woman falling down a well, and yet kind-hearted, positive thinking Nicky refuses to tell her this.
Instead, his reaction when she first demonstrates her melodic shortcomings – and we realise just how much work he’s going to have to do – is a great big smile and a hearty cry of “Good!”
Me, I’d have added “Lord” on the end of that.
Not that it’s all about pure encouragement. Nicky offers practical tips as well. For example, he advises Ellen not to think too much when she’s trying to sing. Apparently, it can be a hindrance. “When we think too much, we sing the wrong pitch,” he tells her.
“When we don’t think too much, our primal instinct matches the pitch and we sing perfectly.”
Personally, I’m not convinced by this theory. Search for “Katie Price BBC Eurovision 2005” on YouTube and nor will you be.
But Ellen seems happy to go along with it, and that’s probably what matters.
Elsewhere this evening, I’m delighted to report that Channel 4 have finally caved in to overwhelming public demand and signed up Nick “Grimmy” Grimshaw and Emma “Willy” (I assume) Willis to co-present a brand new property makeover show THE GREAT HOME TRANSFORMATION (8pm).
“We’re putting specialist heat-mapping technology into British houses, to get hard data on real-life behaviours, activities and needs,” Emma explains – before you’ve had a chance to raise a hand and go: “Er, excuse me, but how’s this going to be different from the nine zillion other property makeover shows we already have..?”