BEACHCOMBER 105 YEARS OLD AND STILL SLEEPING PEACEFULLY...

FOLLOWING a heated debate in the House of Commons on the matter of truth-telling and fitness for office, pressure has grown on the leading figures in the so-called Partygate fiasco to have their conduct investigated by a parliamentary committee.

The accusations against the Partygate Three centre mainly on their conduct just over 100 years ago, which led to a Princess pricking her finger on a spinning wheel and falling asleep for a century.

Flora, Fauna and Merryweather, formerly thought to be good fairies, have been accused of giving stupid gifts of Beauty and Song to the newborn princess when intelligence might have been more useful, failing to keep her location secret from the wicked witch Maleficent during the 16-year period of lock-up, and worst of all, holding a party for the princess’s 16th birthday.

In their defence, the fairies say they are sorry for the anger aroused and the extremely costly 100-year interruption to economic activity their actions caused, but they maintain the behaviour that gave away the princess’s location to Maleficent was not a party but a business meeting held to discuss the colour of the princess’s dress.

Their account, however, is contradicted by a video of the event, believed to have been shot by a Mr Disney, which shows spells being cast and cake being thrown in a manner more indicative of a raucous party that a business meeting. Asked to comment on this video, and the fact that they have already been fined for breaching lock-up regulations, the fairies said it all happened a long time ago and it was time everyone moved on. “We are not trying to avoid scrutiny and will explain all when the investigations are concluded,” said Flora.

“We must wait for the publication of the full Grimm Report after the police inquiries are complete,” said Fauna.

“We shall defend ourselves with the Sword of Truth and the Shield of Justice,” said Merryweather.

During the debate, the King himself came in for some criticism for his failure to destroy all the spinning wheels in the land after Maleficent’s curse, but he pointed out that he was acting on the best scientific advice from CAGE, the Curse Advisory Group in Emergencies, on locating wheels and ancillary yarn-spinning devices.