WHAT PLANET ARE LOCAL ELECTION VOTERS ON EXACTLY?

VOTERS can be pretty weird creatures and at no time do they behave more strangely than in mid-term local elections.

Technically they are voting for local councillors but many use that little pencilled cross to vent their irritation at assorted grievances. Lifelong devotees of major parties take a one-vote “holiday” from that loyalty while intending to return at the next general election. Nationwide, the results look bizarre.

No-hopers for government can kid themselves they have a chance. Monster

Raving Loonies think they might make the Cabinet one day. In Northern Ireland the party whose historic military wing, the IRA, once visited 30 years of violence and murder upon the province gains more votes than any other single party, and seeks secession. The good news is that all the other parties, despite their differences, are passionately opposed to it.

In Scotland a clear majority has voted to retain as their government the party and leader who have been steadily maladministering their country into bankruptcy. This will continue so long as the demonised Sassenachs pay for the deficits with their subsidies.

Meanwhile down south the two major parties are consumed only with the issues of who had a slice of birthday cake or a glass of beer two years ago when rules so obscure nobody knew about them forbade such vicious practices.

If a newly-arrived Martian, here to study the theory and practice of elective democratic government, could see all this he would surely ask: “Are you lot completely bonkers?” and fly back home for a bit of common sense.