It’s been a privilege, so thanks for everything

PRINCE Harry is looking mean, moody and magnificent on the cover of his forthcoming memoir Spare: the title of the thing is clearly a dig at the phrase “heir and a spare”, which I was under the impression was used affectionately. Hazza clearly thinks not. Anyhoo I have seen a sneak preview and here’s the gist of what he has to say:

I was born in a private hospital in 1984 to the most popular woman in the world and her husband, who is now the King. The world waited with bated breath to hear the news of my arrival and it made the headlines everywhere. My mother and I received the finest medical care available and no expense was spared when I was taken home, which happened to be a royal palace in the most expensive and attractive area in London. It’s so unfair.

I was Christened by the Archbishop of Canterbury, as is normal in my family, educated at Eton and given a great deal of help to pass the entrance requirements at Sandhurst. My gap year was spent playing polo in Australia and making documentaries in Lesotho, before I served to great acclaim in the army, including two stints in Afghanistan. There was some controversy about my going as my status made me a natural target, but the head of the army himself, General Sir Richard Dannatt, insisted that I should be allowed to follow my own wishes. It’s so unfair.

I founded the Invictus Games for injured servicemen and women, which was not only a great success, but earned me praise from all over the world. I also travelled all over the world to promote it, and was given help at the very top levels. It’s so unfair.

I dated some of the most attractive women of my generation, including Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas, as well as managing a number of other relationships, the vast number of which have never been written about. Both my long-term girlfriends could have made a fortune by cashing in and writing about me and both chose not to. It’s so unfair.

I had an elder brother who did everything he could to look after me and protect me after the very tragic loss of my mother when I was young. I had a very high profile father who gave me the kind of financial status most people can only dream of. I became the most popular member of the Royal Family, and when I introduced my bride to the country I was born to serve, they greeted her with delight and as a breath of fresh air. It’s so unfair.

I have been everywhere in the world, met heads of state, A-list celebrities, seen the amount I inherited from my mother shoot up in value, received a multi-million pound allowance from my father and as a result of all of this, I clearly had to stand back from public life in a country that so clearly adored me. What had I done to deserve all of this? It is totally and utterly so unfair.