Not much home comfort
WHAT would you say were the key ingredients for the perfect home? Not wishing to put words in your mouth (which wouldn’t be a comfortable experience for you, particularly if one of them were antidisestablishmentarianism), I’m guessing you’d suggest qualities such as cosiness, security, warmth and just how far the nearest decent pub is.
Me too. Which, I’m afraid, makes us freaks and weirdos, because none of those are ever taken into consideration on GRAND DESIGNS: HOUSE OF THE YEAR (9pm, Channel 4). Back for a new series, this is the competition where the judges from the Royal Institute Of British Architects – with help from presenter Kevin McCloud, one assumes – are the ones whose opinions count.
And, well, let’s just say they apply somewhat different values. “I’ve taken all the longlisted houses we’re looking at,” Kev explains (I do hope he doesn’t mind me calling him Kev), “and divided them into four categories.
“In later episodes, we’ll discover breathtaking transformations of pre-existing buildings, homes that pioneer groundbreaking ideas and houses that demonstrate exceptional craftsmanship.
“This time we’re looking at five extraordinary houses which were all exceptionally hard to build.”
Right. So, no mention of that other stuff. A notable absence of the word “nice”.
Also, there’s no category entitled Homes That Look As Though Someone Actually Lives In Them.
That’s because, of course, there aren’t any. Not here.
Take the first place featured tonight, on a south-coast beach. Co-host Michelle Ogundehin goes to take a look.
“Gosh, there it is! Right on the beach!” she exclaims. “I can’t believe it!” (as if, having been dispatched to film a report about a house on a beach, she’d expected to find it up a mountain).
And what makes it so special, other than it being a nasty pink? I’ll let Kev answer that, since he’s put it in his “exceptionally hard to build” category.
“With the nearest road hundreds of metres away,” he explains, “and in an exposed spot under threat of fierce wind and sandstorms, putting it here was no picnic.”
He doesn’t explain why, as it sits in a row of other properties which presumably must have overcome the same challenges, this makes it “exceptional”. But step inside and, yeah, OK, fair enough, it’s stunning. And gleaming. And pristine. And suspiciously spotless.
“I come here and I just feel so relaxed immediately!” exclaims Sophie, its owner. “You can go for a walk on the beach… so much air and nature and the elements…it’s just wild!”
Sounds idyllic, Sophie. OK if I bring my soggy dog in?