WHITER THAN WHITE? AIRING THE DIRTY LAUNDRY

Harry Enfield’s character Tim Nice-But-Dim was a favourite in sketches in the 90s. The idea of someone having a lovely personality, but being a bit, er, thick, is one that has worked itself into soapland, always to great effect.

Emmerdale’s Sam made a career out of being NBD, often finding himself in trouble through no fault of his own. James Hooton, who’s played him since 1995, is an extraordinary actor who brings out the humour and poignancy of being NBD, and it’s sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking.

Corrie’s Andrew Whyment has also created an outstanding NBD character in Kirk. It was a role Whyment perfected as Darren in The Royle Family, and he delivers lines with an air of logic that’s tear- droppingly funny. ‘I hope that’s dolphin-friendly tuna,’ warned Sally on Monday, as Kirk tucked into a sandwich. ‘Why would a tuna have a problem with a dolphin?’ Kirk innocently asked, adding, confused, ‘Why are the tuna playing with the dolphins?’ Brilliant writing from Ben Tagoe, too. Keep those NBD moments and characters coming. Where is Weatherfield’s laundry service? I need it. Maria’s new mac is so white, it could stand in as a pre-Christmas practice run for Santa. She must have it cleaned at the same place as the Bistro chefs’ whites, which you need sunglasses just to look at. Maria herself is less than white this week as her one-night stand with Aidan takes its toll, especially when Eva offers to find her a new man following her break-up with Luke.

The relationship trauma of the week is the Nick/Leanne fiasco. Will Leanne take Simon to live with Toyah in Liverpool (anyone noticed

she hasn’t thought to ask about schools for Simon)? Or will Nick save both of them from the bus journey from hell (pictured) and make her acknowledge he’s the love of her life? Will he learn about Steve’s baby, and will he care? Pass me a wet wipe; it’s all too much!

Lucy Fallon continues to deliver as troubled Bethany – bullied pupil, daughter of a sick mother and, this week, insecure teenager downing diet pills. When she collapses at the gym Gary’s there to help (we could all see this coming), but how far will she go to hide the root of her problems? I’d say being born a Platt is the root that goes to the centre of the Earth.