EASTENDERS

THE WANDERER RETURNS

If there’s somethin’ strange in your neighbourhood/ Who ya gonna call? Grantbusters! Yes, Grant returns yet again when, after Ben and Jay are bundled into a van, the Mitchell family find themselves in danger, and Courtney calls on the best Dad in a Crisis. Forced to take control when Phil collapses, will Grant (pictured, with Mark Fowler Jr) manage to rescue the lads, or will a TV contract on another station intervene and take him from Albert Square once more? It’s a traumatic week for the Cokers when Paul’s funeral comes around (yes, finally!). At the parlour, Pam confides in her sister Mim about Les, who she says is treating her like a customer. It gets worse at the wake, when Pam accuses Les of being too businesslike after his unemotional speech. Given how few bodies have passed through this place, I’m amazed they can even tell what rigor mortis looks like, let alone know what to say. Will the couple find a way to grieve together in the aftermath of their grandson’s death? The biggest shock for everyone (and hide behind a cushion now if you don’t want to hear the gory details) is when Patrick and Claudette reveal that they are in a relationship. I really hope the show is not leading up to a sexual encounter during which Claudette sings to her lover You Can Leave Your Hat On. And I pray Patrick doesn’t fulfil the rest of the song’s intentions.