EASTENDERS

How long do you wait before exacting revenge, and in what circumstances do you finally choose to carry it out? It’s a question most characters face at some point. EastEnders’ Grant chose the Vic and a microphone to expose Sharon’s affair with his brother, Phil; Coronation Street’s Liz concocted a wonderful plan to destroy love-cheat Tony; and I can’t begin to count the number of plots hatched in Emmerdale’s Home Farm, the revenge capital of soapland.

Revenge is timeless, hence its appeal. It can be fast and furious or, more often, a slow burner that comes to a head on Christmas Day. When EastEnders’ Den served a stunned Angie with divorce papers on 25 December, 1986, the episode was watched by a staggering 30.1 million viewers – more than half the UK population at the time.

Coronation Street’s David has spent every moment since Kylie’s death plotting revenge on her killers, and this week he waits to hear the outcome of Clayton’s murder trial (if only real trials were as short as those in soapland). If you get life, Clayton, remember it could be worse: David could be your hairdresser.

MONEY TALKS (WAY TOO MUCH) Perhaps the liver story should come with a ‘Don’t try this at home’ warning. It all sounds a bit stressful and complicated, which is why Kathy continues to try to dissuade Ben. He seems hell-bent on donation, though, and now has the added excitement of discussing with Sharon whether Dennis should move schools (hold the front page! It’s too thrilling!).

The never-ending money problems drag on, with Jane determined to get to the bottom of Steven’s financeszzzzzz. I want to know what’s going on with everyone’s. Apart from Ian, does anybody ever visit a bank? When

was the last time you saw anyone get money from a cashpoint? Where is the cashpoint?

There are celebrations afoot as Whitney plans her wedding (what’s there to do? Just call the Vic and book the sausage rolls. Oh, and order bandages for the fight that’s bound to take place), but will her hen do (pictured) and Lee’s stag go according to plan? It’s also Bex’s 16th birthday party, but should Martin worry about what Shakil is planning? Bex decides to have a heart-to-heart with Stacey – oh, yes, because she’s a fount of wisdom on all matters sexual and has the knack of getting herself pregnant just by walking past Man at C&A.