CORONATION STREET

Posh people are always Bad News in soapland, and with the arrival in EastEnders of the Chairman (played by Simon Williams, as handsome and suave as ever), the plot thickens over what Max has been up to. Then there’s the return of James WillmottBrown, who raped Kathy 29 years ago. Remember the shock that someone so smart and well-spoken could be a rapist?

In Emmerdale, Home Farm has always been the hub of Posh, and everything that could go wrong in life happens to all who live there. Coronation Street has always played down Posh. Lewis Archer, played by Nigel Havers, could not have seemed more like a toff, but he proved to be a con man.

The lifeblood of British soaps has always been the working classes, who are perceived to be more emotionally grounded than their richer, better- educated counterparts. The moral message is that money doesn’t buy happiness, although in Emmerdale it can seemingly always buy you a plethora of guns.

Posh baddies speak the Queen’s English and are almost always men. Simon Williams may turn out to be the saviour of EastEnders.

FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE

Dane is miscast and clearly belongs in EastEnders as the third Mitchell bruvver. When Shona (pictured above with David and Dane) takes David to meet him and he abuses Kylie, David sees red and Shona has to drag him away, only for Dane to hurtle across the street and lock himself in the car with the kids. (See what I mean? A Mitchell through and through.) Shona is sure her romance with David is doomed (you don’t say!), but will they find a way forward after a heart-to-heart?

Basement-gate looks set to take a more sinister (and rather silly) turn now Phelan appears

to have accepted that he and Andy should go ahead with ‘the replacement plan’. This will mean kidnapping someone, locking them in the basement, and Andy turning prison guard in return for keeping quiet. Trouble is, it’s all going to come crashing down when Eileen insists on moving into the home she believes Phelan is renovating for them. And Phelan’s problems multiply when Nicola announces that she’s pregnant with Gary’s baby. That’s what two bottles of wine does for you, love.

Funniest moment of last week: Bethany telling Gary she can speak Italian. Ordering spag bol doesn’t make you fluent, Bethany.