CORONATION STREET

With just two weeks to go until Christmas, what can we expect to cheer us up at this festive time? We’ve already had the (presumed) death of Gary in Coronation Street (maybe they are saving his resurrection until Easter), Carmel’s heartache and Max’s comeuppance in EastEnders, and an out-of-control, drunken Pete falling down the stairs in Emmerdale.

At least Corrie tried to lighten the mood last week when Roy decided to forgo the traditional Santa outfit in favour of that of the German giftgiver Pelznickel. Not if the Loch Ness monster had reared its head and eaten them whole could the kiddies have been more unimpressed.

So, what can we expect, come the big Yuletide celebrations? Walford residents will doubtless order the turkey and decide instead that they’ll have more fun with the carving knife. Emmerdale will probably celebrate with a kidnapping and a shootout (why spoil the habit of every week?). And I suspect the folk of Weatherfield will drink too much and end up falling into bed (or up against the wall of the Rovers’ toilet) with anyone they can lay their hands on. Again, why change the habit of a lifetime?

THREE’S A (TEDIOUS) CROWD

When will it end? Not since Bananarama have I put my hands over my ears so much at the wailings of a threesome. Yes, they’re back. Weatherfield’s very own Groundhog Day, but without the laughs: Chesney, Daniel and Sinead, and their incessant whine-athon.

This week sees Chesney propose in front of a devastated Daniel (pictured). Right: one, Chesney would have to be insane to sign up to Sinead’s whingeing for life; two, Daniel would have to be insane to care. Yet Daniel confronts his love rival and tells him that he is only jealous because he knows that Sinead is still in love

with him. But why does Chesney have blood oozing out of his face (inset)? My guess would be from smashing his head against a brick wall when he finally realises the extent of his lunacy. As Bananarama almost sang, this is a sad case of Love In The Worst Degree.

When Anna manages to escape from hospital in just an overcoat, we must breathe a sigh of relief, not only from a justice point of view but because someone has finally located the warm clothing in the wardrobe department. So underdressed has everyone been in recent weeks, I was beginning to suspect Manchester was enjoying some kind of freak heatwave.