SOAP WATCH

The local pub is the focal point of soapland. It’s not only somewhere to drink, but a place where, for some never-quite-explained reason, everyone airs their dirty laundry in public. It’s the hub of most revelations, and the boxing ring for every punch and slap. Being the landlord or landlady of the pub is therefore the top job for any character, and it’s important to get it right; but it’s also essential to gather around them an entertaining staff who are vital cogs in the machinery.

EastEnders’ Masood recently took up bartending in the Vic and was hysterical. Nitin Ganatra, who has played him for more than ten years, is a glorious actor who has managed each of his character’s incarnations (and there have been many) with ease. It’s a shame Masood lasted such a short time, but hopefully there will be many more laughs when he starts his new job at the chippy on Monday.

Emmerdale’s Woolpack has always had a great staff, despite their penchant for nipping down to the cellar for a quickie between the barrels. As for Corrie’s Rovers, the current bar situation makes watching paint dry look like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

NON-OKAY-NESS ALERT

‘It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay.’ Sarah to Gary, Corrie TOO MUCH INFO AWARD ‘On this very spot, I had my first courgette.’ Audrey, in a lap-dancing club (previously a restaurant), Corrie