EASTENDERS

FAIRM-LY MATTERS

Martin must be admired for wanting to keep his fairm-ly together, but what is most admirable of all is his ability to keep track of which child is which; heck, Stacey ( pictured, with Martin) has had a difficult enough job doing that. So, we have Hope (fathered by Martin), Lily (Ryan) and Arthur (Kush). The only mystery is how Max, her on/off lover, hasn’t managed to impregnate her because everyone else has.

But what’s Martin thinking? The poor lad stands in the freezing cold on that stall, selling three apples a year, he’s played nanny to Stacey, who cheated on him at Christmas with Max, and now he wants to be holed up with the monosyllabic trio. His great idea is to treat them to a day at the community centre (whoopee!) to watch a show by children’s entertainer Magic Marv. But Marv fails to work his magic and ends up offending everyone. To make matters worse for Martin, Stacey has invited Kush along, and then Martin gets into an argument with Magic Marv. Here’s a tip, Marv: whatever your day job is, don’t give it up.

Deciding he wants a divorce, Martin emails the solicitor but has a change of heart when Stacey apologises and they come to an agreement about the children. But is Stacey as OK as she appears to be? When she sees a woman called Hayley kissing Martin on the cheek, she’s less than happy that he’s moving on. I wouldn’t worry. When it comes to action, a legless centipede can move faster than Martin.